The Original Sin
by AmyJ10
Summary: Olivia had watched as he beat the crap out of the punch bag, struggling to hold it still, scared to reach out to him, to try and ease his pain, so instead she hid behind the heavy bag struggling to keep up with his violent punches. *EO*
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Original Sin

**Sumary:** Elliot and Olivia struggle to save their failing relationship as try to catch a serial killer before he strikes again.

**Disclaimer:** I am not Dick Wolf, therefore I do not own anything apart form Agent Wallace

**Notes:** There's only one thing I really need to know, Agent Wallace - when you picture him in your minds eye - he's Denzel Washington, this story came about from a "Who would you like to see on SVU" thread.

**Thank you so much to everyone who has followed Consequences, it has been an amazing story to write and I'm so sad it's coming to it's end but as it is I want to start this one, now you know me so it takes me a little while to get where we want to be, let's just remember that! X**

Olivia yawned as she sat at her desk, it had been another long night. They'd lost another child to the same killer and she couldn't sleep, every time she closed her eyes the little faces of the lost children flashed through her mind. Casey Thornton had been missing for three days, that meant they only had three days left before her body would turn up in a national park, a different one every time. He always overlapped; Olivia prayed that the children weren't together, the thought of them bonding the forcing one to watch as the other was killed made her feel physically sick.

Jordan Jones has been found today, the eight year old little boy had been snatched from a play park, like all the other children. He'd been missing for 6 days and was found by Elliot Stabler who had run himself into the ground, convincing himself that this was the child he was going to save, that this was the child they would catch him on, the child that would be saved from the vile monster, the child who would not be shot from behind, hands tied and blindfolded.

Olivia had watched as he beat the crap out of the punch bag, struggling to hold it still, scared to reach out to him, to try and ease his pain, so instead she hid behind the heavy bag struggling to keep up with his violent punches.

"Olivia, Elliot."

Both she and Elliot looked up as Cragen walked towards them.

"I've just had a call from Dean Porter, they're sending one of the F.B.I's agents down to help with this case, they've dealt with this perp before and they think that working together is the best way to go with this."

"Oh so they just walk in, do nothing and take the credit?" Elliot asked, his mood hadn't lightened at all.

Olivia did agree with him, but she knew her opinion wouldn't matter, it wasn't a suggestion it was a command.

"Nice to see you think so highly of us," all eyes turned to the well built man stood in the doorway. He was mid forties with dark skin, wearing a black suit. He walked into the room towards Cragen, "Charlie Wallace," he held his hand out to the older man.

"Donald Cragen, this is Detective Olivia Benson and her partner Elliot Stabler," he gestured to the two detectives.

Olivia gave him a polite nod while Elliot simply glared.

"Okay, so what have you got for me?" he asked, "I may as well start taking the credit right away?" he asked smiling at Elliot.

Olivia looked over to her partner warily, this was the last thing she needed, Elliot was ready to blow and in comes this guy. So she'd spend the rest of the investigation running herself into the ground as always with the added extra joy of stopping Elliot from beating the crap out of the cocky F.B.I guy. She couldn't remember his name, so cocky F.B.I guy would have to do.

"So far we have nothing, no leads no witnesses, no DNA." She told him, trying to remember his name.

"That's helpful," Wallace sighed picking up the case file that was in front of her.

She was about to react to his comment when Elliot stood up.

"What have you got?" he asked getting a little too close to the other man.

"You wanna back up?" Wallace smiled at him, it was official, the guy was an ass and Elliot was going to kill him, great!

"You don't come in here and act like we're your minions you get that?" he asked turning and walking away.

"Well isn't he a ray of sunshine?" Wallace turned to Olivia as Cragen shrugged behind him.

"He's had about 6 hours sleep in the past week," she hated this guy already, he was a jerk.

"Then he should go home, if he can't hack it." He turned to Cragen, who was about to speak when Olivia cut in.

"He can hack it, and that's not your call."

"Don't tell me he has anger issues, you run around making sure he doesn't kill people and cleaning up his mess? Good girl" he rolled his eyes.

She turned to Cragen her eyebrows raised as far as they would go.

"Agent Wallace, if you're here to piss my people off then you can leave-"

"Relax Sir, I'm trying to get a feel for your people," He said emphasising his last two words. "He's pissed off? Good he'll work twice as hard-"

"He doesn't need to-"

"Detective, if you're going to jump in every time I mention him to tell me how great he is then you may as well just not speak at all cause so far that's all I've heard." He walked away leaving Olivia stunned.

"Well they really picked us a good one, despite his words..." Cragen tried to phrase his words carefully, "Don't let Elliot kill him." He sighed.

"He'll have to get in line." She mumbled softly under her breath.

**

24 hours had passed and Elliot was unbearable, even by her standards, granted Wallace (she had now learnt his name, but she preferred cocky F.B.I guy) was the biggest jerk she had ever met, she was sure he was just one step away from patting her on the ass and asking her to run along. Elliot had simply grunted every time she spoke to him and it was starting to grate on her, he'd been pretty unbearable even before the case and she had no idea why, but as usual he was picking it out on her.

He'd slung a few insults about her dedication to the job when she told him that she was tired and needed sleep, after being awake for 24 hours straight. She'd promptly walked away, yet again not addressing his attitude, just letting him get over whatever issues he had. Now half an hour later she was lying in the crib unable to sleep, the case details rolling through her mind.

"Benson!" the door flew open and she shot up "We've got something!" Wallace yelled before running out again.

Olivia gathered herself and followed him, hoping that Casey Thornton had been found safe and unharmed but knowing that it was unlikely.

**

Elliot stood silently, the blood on the walls sending a shiver down his spine. He looked around the dark and dingy room and felt completely overwhelmed by the despair that threatened to engulf him. How many children had been? There was a bucket in the corner and the smell of urine was overpowering. There had been no sign of life when they arrived here ready to save the victim and arrest the vicious perp, but a sighting of a struggling young girl and a man had send them to the right place.

"CSU are gonna be here any minute, try to test the blood – he may have left DNA in here," Wallace informed both Elliot and Olivia.

Olivia nodded as she slowly walked towards the one colourful thing in the room, she struggled to compose herself as she saw the little dolly, once beautiful, now covered in blood.

"Don't touch that."

Olivia turned to him, had he really told her not to touch evidence? As is she didn't know?

"She knows what to do," Elliot's voice full of aggravation.

"I know she does," Wallace turned to him and the two held each other's stare.

Olivia turned her gaze from Wallace to Elliot, the testosterone in the room threatening to overwhelm her.

"Uh, this belongs to Anna Parks, her mother described it to me when she was taken," she spoke trying to ease the tension.

Elliot turned to her and held her gaze for a few moments before walking out.

"The youngest victim?" Wallace refused to acknowledge Elliot's exit.

Olivia nodded. "She was 5..." she could usually hold it together with these cases but she had found Anna, her tiny body battered and bruised. She had been the one to tell her mother, to hold her as she sobbed and clung to her.

"It's hard." Wallace spoke softly, trying to offer an olive branch after turning up all guns blazing.

"I can take it," she told him, following her partner.

**

Elliot slammed his hand against his locker,

"Are we at this stage again?"

He heard Olivia's soft voice.

"Go away Liv, I'm not in the mood."

"Are you in the mood to be kicked off this case? Cause that's the way you're going."

He shook his head, sitting down on the lone bench.

"I know this is getting to you El-"

"You know I said I'm not in the mood for one of your pep talks, so just leave me alone," he didn't even bother to look at her as he turned away from her.

"Sooner or later you're going to have to find out exactly what it is your angry at, I'm not going to put up with this for much longer-"

"Stabler!" Wallace burst in the door looking as tired as she and her partner did, "You walk out on a crime scene like that again I'll make sure you're off the case-"

"You're not in charge of the God Damned case!" Elliot stood up, suddenly both men were chest to chest, breathing deeply.

"I've had just about enough of your attitude Stabler!"

"So do something about it?" Elliot spoke through gritted teeth,

"Are you two finished?" Olivia asked, folding her arms wondering how she wasn't drowning in the testosterone,

"Stay out of the Benson," Wallace pointed at her, warning her.

"Don't talk to her like that," Elliot told him,

"What you're the only one allowed to treat her like shit?" Wallace spat, further annoying Elliot. "Seems to me like you have some serious problems when it comes to women, mother issues?" and that was it, she had no idea who hit first but she assumed it was Elliot, suddenly the two men were on each other only moments away from kicking the living crap out of each other, she ran forwards stepping between them, struggling to push them apart.

Neither one of them stopped until she hit the lockers, neither one of them sure which one had struck her

"Liv!" Elliot gave Wallace one last shove before running to his partner, a bruise already forming on the side of her jaw.

"Get off me," she pushed his him away, "You two wanna beat the crap out of each other just do it, I'm done!" she walked out angrily, slamming the door behind her.

Guilt completely overwhelmed Elliot, had he hit his partner?

"You pull a stunt like that again I'll have your badge," Wallace walked out, unwilling to accept any blame, Elliot had hit him first he simply reacted in self defence and it was as simple as that.

**So what do you think? x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews you guys, you're as always - the best!!**

**So I'm taking my time with the last chapter of Consequences and I know you're going to kill me but I want it to be perfect so here's a little something to keep you occupied,**

**I know the tone of this story is quite different to the other things I've written and it's really going to get going in the next chapter so I hope you enjoy this one and you're looking forward to the next xx**

Olivia sat alone in the squad room looking through the files of the victims trying to find any link between them, or any evidence that could suggest any other location they may have been taken to, they had 30 hours before Casey Thornton would be killed. It was 2 am and she'd promised to go home six hours ago but she just couldn't, she knew if she went home she wouldn't be able to sleep she would just think about Casey and the horrific things that she was going through.

Two days ago Katie Thomson, 6 years old, was reported missing, yet again no one saw her disappear, no one saw anything suspicious. Her mother was of course frantic, and Elliot had done nothing to calm her, asking why she wasn't keeping a close eye on her daughter. She had wanted to sucker punch him then and there.

Now at 2am as she struggled to find any viable link she gently rubbed her hand across her bruised cheek bone. She had no idea which one of the two men had hit her, she didn't care, she wanted to kill them both. She should have just let them kick the crap out of each other, she still had no idea why the two men clashed so much.

Elliot had been unbearable since his split with Kathy 3 months ago, she didn't know what had happened, she wanted to ask but barely survived the verbal assault she received from Elliot the first time so she didn't held back.

Wallace seemed to dislike Elliot as soon as he walked into the squad room, and she could understand partly, Elliot's first impression was seldom pleasant, especially recently, and Wallace was an idiot, she couldn't deny it, he seemed to enjoy winding Elliot up. She had no idea how she was going to cope with Elliot, Elliot alone was virtually impossible, especially when he was in this mood and adding Wallace into the mix simply made it twice as difficult. She only hoped that the two men would keep their punches to themselves this time.

**

Elliot lay in bed, no hope of sleeping. He had had little sleep since leaving his wife, unable to understand why he was so angry all the time he simply let in envelope him and this case...the case was draining the little fight left in him. The children were still being killed, he still hadn't saved them, he hadn't killed the son of a bitch who had hurt them.

He needed to be alone, to understand why his marriage died, to understand why he wasn't saving these children and to understand how the hell his life got so messed up. He needed to be alone, but rather than simply tell his partner this he pushed her away, more like shoved her away but she was away, that was all that mattered, he couldn't deal with her on top of everything else. As much as he knew he was letting her down he knew he was also saving her, from him, from his anger, and from the hurt that he would no doubt cause her if he let her get too close.

In his final argument with Kathy she had thrown every insult in the book at him, bad father, bad husband, lousy lover, she was angry and he didn't blame her. He walked out on her, not for the first time, but this time for good. She had told him that he only hurt the people he loved and he knew she was right, he had tried with all his might to love her, to appreciate her but he just couldn't lie to himself any longer. She had asked about Olivia, if he had slept with her, causing a whole new round of things to argue about. Olivia came first apparently, did she have any idea how he treated her?

Kathy begged him to stay, begged him to give it one more chance for the children, but he just couldn't, he couldn't keep fighting. It was all he ever did, fighting the paedophiles and rapists in the city, fighting his self doubt every time he couldn't save someone, never more so than now, but most of all he was fighting the fear that Kathy was right, that he hurt the people he loved, damaged them. He hadn't seen his children for days, he missed them, longed for them but Kathy had taken them to her sisters, he needed to see the 5 good things that he created, the innocence, the unconditional love.

As he continued to wonder if he was destined to hurt the people who loved him the most he slowly closed his eyes, ready for another round of nightmares, praying that he would wake up and feel like himself again.

**

Wallace walked into the squad room, he'd been awake all night. He was thinking about Casey and Katie, wondering what horrors they were witnessing. He had lay awake as he did every night thinking about his past mistakes, he had been on this case for 5 years, every 6 months or so the killer would strike again in a different state so he would go to the state and convince himself that this would be the state he caught the bastard in.

He had usually worked with pretty competent detectives, none more so than Olivia Benson, he had been constantly impressed by her need to find the sick son of a bitch, not only that but the way she dealt with the families of the victims, he had witnessed an exchange between Jordan Jones' mother and Olivia and had been deeply moved by just how gentle and caring the female detective had been.

Stabler was another story, had was also desperate to catch the killer but he was close to losing control, Wallace had tried to see past the way that Stabler hit out at everyone, mainly his partner, he didn't quite understand why Benson hadn't slapped him into next week, the way he had spoken to her. Wallace could see they had a complicated relationship but somehow it worked, her calm and his anger seemed to work. Stabler was an asshole, and he didn't like the guy at all but he had to put his feeling aside.

He was determined to apologise to both detectives for the argument that had turned violent, as the senior officer he should never have let it get that far, Stabler had been asking for it, but it still wasn't acceptable, the fact that Benson had been hit was simply another factor that had kept him awake the previous night.

He thought immensely about the situation and realised that they all had the same goal; if they could only keep their issues away from the case they would make a great team and would stand a chance of catching the bastard.

He stopped as he saw Olivia hunched over her desk, resting on her arms as she slept. How long had she been there for? He thought he was getting an early start by coming in at 7 am. He walked forwards slowly, wondering if he should wake her, she looked uncomfortable, he wondered how many times she had slept at her desk. How many cases had caused this reaction from both her and Stabler, it proved just how good they both were.

Knowing it would be less embarrassing for him to wake her rather than her CO he gently placed his hand on her shoulder, with no warning she shot up, he took a step backwards as she tried to find her bearings.

"I'm sorry-"

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, her chest heaving, her heart pounding. She had been in the middle of a tense nightmare, she'd been walking down a dark alleyway looking for Casey and Katie, she could hear screaming, she recognised the screams but couldn't quite understand where from. She had held her breath as she walked terrified the bastard would find her then suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder, and here she was in the squad room with Wallace. She had had the dream a few times before, she never got to the end of the alley, something always woke her, usually her phone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Wallace held his hands up, genuinely sorry. He couldn't help but stare at the nasty purple bruise that had formed on her cheek bone.

"You didn't scare me," she lied, she closed her eyes, "I uh, I must have fallen asleep," she placed her hand on her head, "What time is it?" she asked him.

"Uh, seven."

"Captain will be in soon," she mumbled to herself, "I'll be back-" she stood up,

"Where are you going?" he asked, wondering if she was going to get her gun to shoot him after he accidently scared the life out of her,

"I'm going to shower and change, Captain will be pissed if he finds out I stayed the night," she admitted walking away, leaving him alone hoping that would be a big enough him for him not to tell anyone that she had slept there.

**

Two hours later, Cragen and Elliot had arrived and they were all sat looking the distance between each park, trying to figure out if anything was in the middle of them, anything that would tell them where the new holding place was. Wallace watched as Olivia tried to suppress a yawn,

"Tired?" Elliot asked, almost softly placing a hand on her arm, it was the first sign of affection that Wallace had seen between the two.

Olivia nodded, silently thanking him for caring.

"What happened yesterday?" Cragen asked staring at the bruise on Olivia's cheek, all three officers looked up,

"Nothing-"

"Nothing? So the desk Sergeant didn't see you all kicking the crap out of each other in the locker room? And I suppose you got that bruise by walking into something" his tone shocked them all.

"It was an accident," Olivia spoke quickly.

She looked up as Wallace cleared his throat,

"Me and Stabler pissed each other off, it got physical and Benson caught the brunt of one of my punches," he admitted, still unsure if it was actually he that had delivered the blow.

Cragen simply stared at them in disbelief before speaking slowly raising his voice with every word

"Do you two think you can keep your ego's intact long enough to actually solve this case?"

Olivia closed her eyes, wishing the ground would swallow her whole.

"What does it look like we're trying to do?" Elliot asked, not even trying to hide his frustration.

"It looks like you and Wallace are fighting about which one of you is the alpha male, when in actual fact neither of you are, you two concentrate on the case – you don't like each other I couldn't care less, Wallace you're a cocky son of a bitch and you," he turned to Elliot, "I have no idea what the hell is going on with you, but you're on the road to self destruct and you're pulling her with you!" he yelled as he pointed at Olivia.

"Captain-" Olivia started,

"I don't want to hear it, if there is one more cock up on this you're off the case," he walked out of his office leaving Elliot, Olivia and Wallace shell shocked.

"Screw this," Elliot walked towards the door,

"Elliot," Olivia reached out to him, shocked when he angrily pulled away from her grasp walking out slamming the door. She was losing him, she could feel it, slowly, painfully, she was losing him.

"Uh-" Wallace started,

"Don't say anything, let's just find these kids," she walked out slowly, wondering what Elliot was punching the hell out of this time.

**

24 hours later

She watched as Elliot tensed his jaw and clenched his fist for the hundredth time. Casey Thornton had been found, she was lying half naked, eyes wide with fear...she and Elliot had been the first police on the scene and it nearly killed her. She had foolishly convinced herself that she would be able to save Casey, she should have known better. Now as she and Elliot sat in the squad room surrounded by a deafening silence she wondered if there was anything she could have done differently, her stomach lurching, knowing it would be only a matter of hours before another child was taken.

"You okay?" Elliot asked softly, perching on the corner of her desk. She looked up at him wondering how he could switch from angry to sensitive so quickly. She nodded slowly, unwilling to admit how devastated she really was. "No you're not,"

"Are you?" she asked in an almost accusing tone, she let out the breath she didn't even realise she had been holding. "I don't want to do this..." she sighed,

"I'm sorry for...the way I've been, i'm working on it," he told her softly, "I just need to work some things out...we're going to find this...bastard, we're going to get him,"

"How many more children are going to die?" she shook her head,

"We're doing our best, I know I am and you are, even Wallace," as he spoke the name of his colleague he wondered where he was, he hadn't seen him since the crime scene.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, looking up at him, finally meeting his gaze,

"I'm going to be fine," there was more than a hint of doubt in his voice, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder before he walked away leaving her no less confused about her partners state of mind.

**

It was 3 am and she had no hope of sleeping, little Casey's frightened eyes running through her mind. The poor child, the things she must have seen, the things she must have been through only for it to end like that, in a park, found by a group of kids who would be scarred for life by what they had seen.

Elliot had promised her that they would find the perp but she was starting to wonder if they would, she was working as hard as she could, fighting her partners constant mood swings and her own self doubt, wondering why this case in particular hurt her so much was the thought at the centre of her sleepness nights.

She looked up as her phone rang, sitting up she answered

"Benson."

"Can you meet me?" his voice was so quiet she almost didn't realise who it was, she hadn't expected him to call, she looked at her watch.

"It's 3 am," she sighed, lying back on the pillow. She was about to tell him that he was an idiot for calling her and waking her – he wouldn't know she was awake anyway.

"You were awake, please?" he almost whispered.

She sat up again, wondering how long it had taken him to call her, to ask her to meet him, she knew he wouldn't have done it easily.

"Where?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for everyone who's followed this, sorry it'staken me so long, I'm happy to update every day with this now so I hope you guys like it, let me know what you think. I have up to chapter 12 written already x x x**

Olivia walked into the bar slowly, it had taken her mere minutes to get changed and walked the few blocks to the small bar. She didn't need to look around to find him, he was the only person in the bar other than the barman who was an older man, wiping down the sides of the bar. She walked towards the lone figure at the bar.

"I'm sorry for calling you..." he sounded so defeated.

She perched on the stool next to him, watching as he poured the last of his drink into his mouth.

"Joe?" he raised his glass to the barman who gave him a soft smile and poured him another drink.

"You think you've had enough?" she asked softly, unsure of what else to say to him.

"I don't think I'll ever have enough," his voice was lacking any emotion other than pain, she couldn't quite understand why, what had happened between the evening when she left him and now.

"I..."

"I didn't know who else to call," he admitted, sipping his drink slowly. "And I know you're probably confused...but I...every time we lose a kid it..." he shook his head unable to finish his sentence but she understood.

She placed her hand on his shoulder, unsure of how to comfort him.

"Charlie," it was the first time she'd called him by his first name.

He shook his head slowly, "I've been on this case for nearly five years, trying to find this...this bastard and every time we lose another kid...I...I-" he angrily hurled the glass to the floor.

Olivia immediately held up and apologetic hand to the barman. "Let's go," she pulled him by the arm, again silently apologising to the seriously pissed off looking barman.

**

Only moments later they were in her apartment. He was drunk and she didn't have the energy to find out where he lived, the minute the air hit him the drunkenness did too and getting him up the stairs to her apartment was as easy as pushing an elephant up a flight of stairs.

"Nice place Benson," Wallace half sighed half slurred as he flopped onto the sofa, looking around the apartment.

"If you could refrain from breaking any glasses that would be great," she told him, pouring him a glass of water.

"You uh, you didn't have to come and meet me...thank you."

She wasn't used to seeing this side of him, soft...maybe vulnerable was a step too far but there was something different about him....maybe it was the alcohol.

"I know what it's like...I know how you're feeling...it's easy to call on someone who knows what you're going through," she told him, watching as he nodded.

"I just don't know if I can keep doing this," he admitted. He raised his hand to his forehead, unsure of exactly what good pouring his heart out was doing but it felt right.

"You can, it's uh...it's nice to see you're not made of stone after all," she admitted. "I...it's affecting us all we just-"

"Are you always so guarded Benson?" he asked, watching as she spoke.

She didn't answer him, not quite sure how to.

"You know the way that Stabler treats you-"

"You don't know how he treats me," she told him quickly.

"Jumping to his defence again, does he do the same for you?" he raised his eyebrows, his eyes were bloodshot which reminded her that he was drunk as if the slurs didn't.

"Yes he does, we're partners, it's not always easy-"

"How long have you been in love with him?" his words hit her like a brick.

"Maybe I was wrong about you," she sighed, "You are an asshole," she stood up walking towards the door and pulling it open, inviting him to leave.

"Benson, please- I'm sorry," he stood up walking towards her swaying just slightly and trying to steady himself. "I just...I can't think of any other reason why-"

"You don't know me, and you don't know him," she told him angrily.

"I'm sorry okay, I was wrong, I didn't mean to upset you-"

"I'm not upset, you just...you don't know us," she told him again, softer this time.

"Okay," he nodded, smiling gratefully as she closed the front door.

**

Elliot took a deep breath before knocking on Olivia's front door. It was 9am and he decided to start the day as he meant to go on, so with a cup tea in his hand he waited for her to answer. He wasn't by any means out of his funk but he was going to try as hard as he could not to pick his mood out on her, she didn't deserve it, they needed to help each other not hurt each other and seeing as she wasn't hurting him at all it left it down to him to make it right.

He held the cup up as he heard the door open, he stopped dead in his tracks as instead of seeing Olivia he saw Wallace, stood in his shirt and boxers only.

"Stabler, uh...Benson is in the shower, she-" he didn't get the chance to finish his sentence as Elliot shoved turned swiftly and walked away. "Stabler, this isn't what it look like!"

**

Olivia walked out of the shower, she stopped as she saw Charlie closing the door.

"Uh...I think that Stabler is pissed," he admitted watching as her eyes widened. "I answered the door, maybe I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay I'll talk to him," she told him not failing to notice his gaze travelling down her wet body. "How was the sofa?" she asked, tightening her grip on the towel covering her naked body.

"Uh, yeah it was great, I'm sorry that I was so...I don't get like that a lot," he admitted, "I'm suffering for it now," he admitted, holding his hand up to his head. She nodded slowly as she walked into her room, hoping that Elliot would listen long enough for her to tell him that nothing happened.

**

He was sat at his desk with his head in a file by the time she made it in. She walked next to him, and leant down so that she could talk to him without Fin and Munch hearing him.

"Can we talk?" she spoke softly.

"You know what it's none of my business," he closed the file and stood up, unsure of where exactly he was going.

"Elliot, come on, can we just go-"

"I'm busy-" he lied, he had no idea why he was so angry, just that he was mad as hell. He had literally stormed into the office wanting to punch something, luckily for Munch, who was the first person he saw, he'd learnt a little more self control in the last few months.

"Elliot-"

"Olivia, give it a rest. I don't care who you screw I just hope you know what you're doing-" he walked away leaving her stood in the squad room, waiting for Munch or Fin to make a comment. Thankfully they knew when to keep quiet. Her cheeks were flushed pink, she couldn't tell if it was from anger or embarrassment, maybe both.

**

Elliot angrily slammed his locker shut. What the hell was her problem. He was so frustrated, he needed to hit something, where the hell was Wallace?

"What the hell is your problem!" the door slammed loudly as she walked into the room.

"My problem? I don't think so, you wanna screw Wallace go ahead, he'll treat you like crap-"

"Treat me like crap!?" she exclaimed. There was only one person treating her like crap and it wasn't Wallace.

"You think this is going to be anything other than sex for him? Even you're not that delusional are you?" he snickered.

"Screw you-"

"Won't Wallace be jealous?"

"I didn't sleep with him, he was drunk and he needed somewhere to stay-"

"So you decided your bed was the perfect place-"

"He stayed on the sofa, you've done it, how the hell is this different?!" she was getting so angry. Who the hell did he think he was?

"So nothing happened at all?" he shook his head, obviously not believing her.

"Nothing happened Elliot," she bit her lip, fighting the urge to walk closer. "But if it had...you have no right to act like this."

"You're my partner-"

"So that gives you the right to talk to me like that in front of Munch and Fin? I...I know you're going through a hard time, I get that, but I'm only going to take this for so long."

"Liv-" he didn't have time to finish his sentence, she was gone as soon as she had finished hers. He shook his head and sat on the bench unsure of why he had been so angry....because Wallace was an ass and he would only hurt her? That had to be it. There was no other alternative, he refused to let there be any other reason no matter how fast his heart would beat when he thought of his partner with any other man...

**

Numb...

He didn't want to feel it anymore, to feel the crushing guilt in his heart every time he thought of any one of the poor children he had failed to save. Four more children had been killed and they were no nearer to finding the bastard who was taunting them a little bit more with every child he killed.

He had been home every night to watch his children as they slept, his heartache easing momentarily as he reassured himself that they were safe. Last night Eli had woken from a nightmare, he'd been in tears, unable to explain what it was he was dreaming about. Elliot simply picked up his son, who was growing by the day, and held him tightly shushing and comforting him until he fell back to sleep. He sat with his son for hours, wondering if he'd taken enough time with his other children when they were Eli's age, if he was spending enough time with Eli now?

Eli had turned 2 just a few weeks before, he was changing every day and Elliot lay in bed every night cursing himself for missing so many milestones in his children's lives. Now it was different, now he treasured any moment he got with one of his five beautiful children. Of course he'd lost kids before, but this time it was like these children were literally slipping through his fingers, no matter how hard he tried, how hard he fought there was nothing he could do, he'd never felt so helpless. Something his partner would usually notice...usually.

Olivia had been more than a little distant since he'd found Wallace in her apartment, he knew he deserved it, he'd practically called her a whore in front of her colleagues. They'd managed to work together, but as soon as the shift was over she was gone, no matter how hard he tried to talk to her, despite the amount of times he'd asked her if she wanted to go for drink, she was refusing every olive branch he offered and he didn't know what to do next...

**

She shouldn't be having fun...She should be at home, drowning her sorrows like she usually did. She should have gone home feeling exhausted and disheartened at the loss of another child. She shouldn't have accepted Charlie's offer of a drink and she shouldn't still be at the bar three hours later.

Losing another child nearly killed her, she putting every ounce of strength into saving these children and getting nowhere, saving no one. She had been ignoring Elliot outside of work for nearly 2 weeks now, just waiting for him to come and apologise but she should have known better. He was too stubborn for his own good and she was fed up of being the first one to break the silence, so she didn't.

She swayed slightly as she struggled to push the thoughts of Elliot out of her head. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been this drunk.

"Liv?"

She was shaken from her thoughts as Wallace placed his hand on her arm. "Uh...sorry...what?" she slurred.

"You still with me?" he asked with a wide grin, watching as she struggled to focus as she swayed on the bar stool. "Have you had enough?" he asked.

"Mmm, no? No way. Hit me again, not...not literally," she laughed. "I meant with another drink..." she mumbled.

"I think you've had enough, let's go-" he stood up, leaving $40 on the side of the bar. "Come on-"

"I...are you...you're not drunk?" she cocked her head to the side, he'd had just as much to drink as she had.

Wallace quickly grabbed her as she practically fell off of the stool. "I'm drunk...but you're uh, you're something else." He smiled as she pushed away from him, swaying slightly as she walked towards the exit.

He'd enjoyed spending time with Olivia Benson, she surprised him every day. The case was hard but she made it just a little bit more bearable. In the past few weeks, since he'd called her to come and meet him, she had warmed to him, she actually spoke to him and today she'd agreed to drinks after work despite telling Stabler that she was busy.

"I'm not something else...I'm...you're something else..." she slurred, stumbling towards the exit.

She turned to face him as she reached her front door. He'd somehow managed to get her home in one peice despite the hiccups and stumbles.

"Do you want me to bring you up?" he asked, watching as she struggled to put her key in the door. He watched as she paused momentarily.

"Oh...no, no, no..." she shook her head as she turned to him and leant against the door. "That's not going to...not going to happen-"

"Hey, Liv, I just want you to get home safe-"

"I'm home...I'm safe..." she stopped as Wallace walked towards her. "What are you..." she couldn't finish her sentence as he closed the distance between them. He moved until his face was just inches away from hers and moved just a little further, twisting the key in the door. He struggled not to laugh as the door opened and she fell backwards landing on her backside. "Bastard..." he heard her mumbled as she struggled to get off of the floor.

"You gonna be okay from here?" he asked, not even trying to hide the grin on his face.

"I'm...I'm just great...goodnight...you, you shouldn't get this drunk."

He smiled as he watched her head for the stairs.

**

24 hours later

Another child lost, another failure. He'd been drinking sat with Eli for nearly two hours, simply watching as his baby slept soundly in his bed. He found it hard to believe that just two years ago he didn't have his youngest son, he was a lucky man. Kathy was being more than patient with him, allowing him into their old marital house whenever he wanted, letting him in without question and allowing him to stay as long as he wanted.

"You know it's not your fault right?" He turned to see his ex wife stood in the door way. "I uh, I'm not going to try and comfort you, I know that doesn't work for you," she was speaking softly, she didn't want to disturb her sleeping child. "But you're doing your best, are you even sleeping at all?"

"Not...not really," he admitted. "I don't know if I can keep doing this."  
Kathy didn't know what to say, she'd never heard him like this before. He'd never ever discussed giving up the job by choice before, of course they had spoken about it but she had always forced the subject.

"I can't save these kids Kath," he swallowed the lump in his throat, struggling to compose himself.

"Come here." She opened her arms and watched as he stood up slowly, she walked towards him and enveloped him in her arms. "It's okay," she kissed the side of his head as he openly cried in front of her for only the third time in their long relationship.

**

"Open up!"  
Olivia pulled open her front door angrily, "Charlie! What the hell?" she glared at the man who had been banging on her door for the past 10 minutes.

"I...I need to talk to you." He was drunk, he walked in to her apartment clinging onto the door frame as he struggled to stand.

"You can't just turn up here when you feel like it-"

"Please, that...that poor little girl." He sank onto her sofa, head in hands.

"Charlie, I'm going to call you a cab, you need to go home." She walked towards her bedroom, stopping as she heard,

"I have to stop him," his voice was so quiet it was barely there.

"We all want to stop him, and it's hard." She'd spent the night alone, lying in bed hating herself for not being able to save the little girl who had been found half naked and violated in the middle of a children's park. She knew what he was going through, but she couldn't deal with his pain and hers. "I'm sorry Charlie."

"You don't understand," he shook his head.

"I understand, I'm looking for this guy too-"

"No."

"Yes, I'm in this as much as you are-"

"You don't get it!" he yelled, standing up and swinging himself away from her.

"Then tell me, what is it that I don't get! What is that makes what you're going through any different to me?!"

"He killed my daughter!"

**

"Lisa was five."

Two hours and three coffees later he spoke slowly. "She was with her mother, she uh, she'd been promised that if she was a good girl she'd get to go to the park," he sighed. "She uh, she was on her best behaviour all day...she was a good," he swallowed the lump in his throat. "She was a good girl, always did what she was told...she loved her momma and she, she was my little princess."

Olivia struggled to compose herself as the man in front of fought his emotions.

"Her mother didn't even realise she was gone, she was so sociable, loved making new friends. They uh...they found her six days later."

"Oh my god," she closed her eyes, unable to even imagine the pain he was feeling.

"She was his first victim...my baby girl..." he couldn't hold it in any longer and the first tear fell.

"I'm so sorry," Olivia whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him as he sobbed, clinging to her as if he was afraid to let go.

**

"I changed my name and moved to Florida when he attacked there, and I've followed him ever since."

Listening to Charlie Wallace speak of his 6 year long battle with the monster who had killed his child almost overwhelmed her. he had been living, breathing and dreaming about this man for six long years.  
"If anyone found out that I was Lisa's father I'd be off the case, but I promised her mother..."

"Where is she? Lisa's mother?" she spoke softly, as if she was speaking to a victim.

"She's still there, re-married a couple of years ago, baby on the way."

"It must be hard..."

"No, I want her to be happy," he told her. "It's all I've ever wanted, we still speak but we uh, we couldn't get over losing our baby, she left me..." he sighed. "And there it is, you uh, you're the only person I've ever told."

"I...I won't say anything." She knew it was wrong and that Charlie Wallace should no way be chasing his daughter's murderer but it was all he had left and she refused to be the one to take it off of him. She finally understood why he had been so aggressive, so forceful, why he needed to catch the bastard they were chasing and she saw him for who he really was. "I'm sorry," she placed a soft hand on his shoulder, watching as he faced her.

"I'm sorry for just...I didn't know where else to go," he admitted, embarrassed that he had practically banged down her door at 2 am.

"It's okay." She was about to carry on when he gently cupped the side of her face, she froze as he ran his thumb across her cheek. Before she even had time to register what was happening his lips were against hers, it was a soft, testing kiss.

He was waiting for her to slap him and tell him to get out, he hadn't meant to kiss her, he would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't attracted to Olivia Benson but he hadn't intended on kissing her. He was about to pull away when she brought her hand up to the back of his neck, keeping him firmly in place. He could barley breath as she ran her tongue along his bottom lip before seeking entrance into his mouth.

Just moments later he was on top of her, his hands cupping her face, his lips on hers and her hands roamed his body.

"Mmmmm, stop..." Olivia breathlessly placed her hands on his chest.

"I'm sorry..." he got up off of her, leaving her lying on the sofa. "Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" he stopped as she stood up. "Liv, I'm sorry I didn't come here to do this-"

He stopped as she placed both of her hands on the sides of his face and kissed him again, silently taking his hand in hers and leading him towards her bedroom...

**Please R & R xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

** Sorry for the delay! Here's 3 chapters in one to make up for it! PLEASE REVIEW! X**

Elliot had been sat at his desk for nearly an hour when Olivia walked in, she looked like she hadn't slept at all. He'd left his ex wife's house shortly after crying on her shoulder but he hadn't been able to sleep, the images of the lost children he's been trying to save. It looked like Olivia had been doing the same, he knew how much she beat herself up whenever they lost a victim and he hadn't helped the situation.

Guilt wasn't something he often felt unless it was related to his kids, missing important milestones, birthdays, ball games, plays. He'd often felt guilty for leaving his wife to cope with 5 children, for leaving her scared when he didn't contract her, for leaving her...There was only one other person in his life who could ever make him feel guilty without even trying and she was sat directly across from him, ignoring any attempt at eye contact.

He had been as ass, accusing her of sleeping with Wallace, embarrassing her in front of their colleagues. He wanted to apologise, to tell her that he knew she would never go near Wallace but he just couldn't. He sighed as he searched through the files looking for any viable clues between the children and the perp. He looked up just one more time, he could imagine her now, tossing and turning as she struggled to cope with losing another child, he only hoped that he hadn't cause of her lack of sleep...

"Morning," he looked up, watching as Wallace walked in slowly.

"Morning." Being civil was a lot easier than punching they guy every time he spoke. "I'm gonna revisit some of the parents today, see if there's anything we missed."

"You think it will help?" Wallace asked, obviously not thinking so.

"I think it's better than waiting for the next kid to be abducted-"

"We still have two days-"

"Okay, sure. I'll just sit on my ass and wait, wait for the kid to go missing – not even bother trying to prevent it? Never mind the little boy he's probably torturing as we speak?" as he spoke Olivia closed her eyes, she really wasn't ready for Elliot Vs Wallace round 10.

Elliot didn't bother to wait for a reply, he didn't ask her if she was coming, he just left.

She turned to follow him.

"Liv..." Wallace stepped forwards, watching as she stepped back.

"I have to go."

"Liv-"

"We'll talk," she called as she headed for the door. She really didn't want to spend the day with Elliot but it was the lesser of two evils, facing Wallace was not an option, she couldn't even look him in the eye.

Last night it had seemed so easy, but now, in the light of day she couldn't quite remember why she'd kissed him, why she'd lead him to her bedroom and why she'd allowed him to strip her and move within her numerous time throughout the night. She needed comfort, he'd needed comfort but she should've thought it through because now as she backed away from him slowly she wondered how long she would be able to avoid him.

**

Olivia sat alone in the locker room. She was covered in blood and supposed to be showering and changing, ready to get back to finding the son of a bitch who now had another death on his hands. She had found Karen Jones lying in her son's bedroom, wrists slit, pulse gone. Jordan Jones was one of the first victims, he had been murdered nearly 6 weeks ago and his mother just couldn't take it.

Elliot had started CPR, desperate to save the woman who just couldn't face life without her little boy but after a few minutes Olivia knew she was gone. She closed her eyes, trying to force the image of Karen's lifeless body out of her head.

"Liv?"

She turned to see Elliot stood in the doorway, silently seeking permission to enter the room.

"I'll be out in a minute-"

"I just wanted to check that you're okay." He constantly surprised her. She had already played the "I'm fine" card and after the recent distance between them she figured he wouldn't realise that she was anything other than "fine" but he proved her wrong. He was still her partner, no matter what else was going on she should have known that he would still have her back.

"I'm..." she knew she wouldn't get away with fine. "I'm tired El, I'm tired of not being able to save these kids, I'm tired of fighting, I'm...I'm tired," she sighed, standing up and reaching for her locker.

"I'm sorry." His apology shocked her, he was just full of surprises today. "I uh, haven't been easy and I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't touch Wallace." His words hit her hard, he was apologising for accusing her of doing something she had done, he didn't know she had done it, but it didn't matter. "I know you don't...you don't get involved with people at work and I know you have better taste," he forced a smile. "And I'm sorry for being such an ass. I uh, I'm sorry. I've been spending more time with the kids and Kathy..."

She didn't even know what he said next as her mind ran into over drive, she knew they would get back together but she couldn't help the sinking feeling in her heart. If it hadn't happened already he knew it was only a matter of time....

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly.

She didn't even know where to start. Firstly, his concern and apology had surprised her, he'd been so wrapped up in himself recently she often wondered if he'd notice if she didn't turn up to work at all but there he was, making sure she was okay. Secondly, he was actually apologising which is not something he did often, not to her anyway. He had his roundabout ways of apologising, leaving tea on her desk, doing her last bit of paper work but very rarely would the words "I'm sorry" actually exit his mouth, now one of the few times they had – he was actually in the right, whether he knew it or not.

She needed to tell him that he wasn't 100% wrong, that she had in fact slipped up and slept with Wallace. Sure he'd be annoyed but she couldn't let him bare his soul in front of her and not tell him the truth, she owed it to him to be honest.

"El-"

"Sorry to interrupt." Charlie's voice interrupted any kind of ill fated admission. "Stabler, Cragen asked me to find you," he told the man in front of him. It looked like he'd interrupted something important. "But I can-"

"No, it's okay. You okay?" Elliot asked Olivia, walking out after she nodded although she was silently begging him not to leave. And then it was just her and Wallace.

"I should-" she gestured to her bloody shirt hoping he would take the hint and leave.

"You uh, you wanna tell me why you left before I woke up?"

No such luck.

She wasn't ready for this. When she'd first woken up it had taken her a few moments to register the moments from the night before. She was lying cocooned on Charlie's arms, her legs tangled with his, their clothes thrown across the floor. When he had turned up at her door at 2am she had intended on yelling at him and telling him exactly where to go but after hearing about his little girl something switched. He had stayed and they had talked until 5am, and then tiredness took over and she kissed him, led him to her bedroom and allowed him see her more personally than anyone had in a very long time.

She'd pried herself out of his arms, quickly gotten dressed and left, not allowing the guilt she felt to take over. She sat alone in her car for nearly an hour wondering how she was going to face him, she hadn't intended on sleeping with him, it had never even entered mind. She was attracted to him, the more she got to know him the more she liked him. Charlie was funny, entertaining and a lot sweeter than she ever thought he could have ever imagined.

She closed her locker and turned to face him. "I uh, had a few things to-"

"Liv?" he looked at her, did she really expect him to believe that? He thought it might have been a little awkward but he didn't expect to wake up in her apartment alone.

"Charlie-"

"We had sex," he stated, as if he was saying 'the sky is blue'. He watched as she looked up, finally meeting his gaze for the first time. "We didn't kill anyone, we didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, but I...I don't do...that-" she had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They were having this conversation right now.

"You don't have sex?" he grinned, he was trying to make it a little less awkward. He watched as she continued to blush, he'd never thought he'd see Olivia Benson looking flustered...He never thought he'd see her naked either. "Liv, you don't make a habit of it? So what do we do now?"

"We...we're struggling with the case, but this isn't the road to go down so we uh, we just need to not...not let it happen again." She looked down, the blood was going to stain, she'd have to dump her shirt.

"Okay, but...are we okay?" he asked, he didn't want to stop spending time with her, he liked her company maybe a little more than he should.

"We should...we should just keep it professional now-"

"Come on Liv, we can still be friends, this doesn't have to ruin that. I needed someone and you needed someone but that's it, we've said it's not going to happen again so let's just pretend it never happened and carry on like before?"

**

She hadn't intended on carrying on like before, she hadn't intended on meeting up with Charlie outside of work again, she hadn't intended on turning up on his door step and she hadn't intended on having sex with him...again. And yet as he collapsed on top of her, spent after another night of no sleep, intimate touches and soft moans, she chastised herself again. This was a bad idea, never get involved with someone at work, never get involved with a colleague.

This time it was his bed, he had made the first move and she happily accepted, allowing him to pin her against the wall and enter her there and then before carrying her to his bedroom and taking her again.

"If I go to the bathroom will you be gone when I get up?" Wallace asked, only half joking. When he had woken up and found her gone after the first time they had spent the night together he was more than a little bit disappointed.

She swallowed the moan of protest that was threatening to escape as he pulled himself out of her. God Damn it she wanted him again, what was she doing? She sighed, knowing she had to leave before she fell asleep, before the situation became even more awkward.

"I should go-" she sat up, pulling the covers against her chest, scanning the room for her disguarded clothes.

"Liv, you can spend the night," he told her softly, hoping she would decide to stay. When they had slept together the first time she had turned onto her side and fallen asleep, he had reached for her in his sleep and she allowed him to hold her.

"No, I can't. This is a bad idea Charlie-"

"You said that the first time," he smiled. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood but he obviously didn't get it.

"This can't happen again-"

"Why not? You came to me tonight, you knew this would happen again." He ran his finger along her bare arm and she struggled to suppress the shiver that was peaking at the tip of her spine. She failed. "What is it you're scared of?"

"I'm not doing this, this was a mistake."

"No, once is a mistake. Two times, that's a choice, you're choice."

"So what I stay until the morning? Then what? I still have to leave, see you at work-" she placed her hand on her forehead, he really didn't understand what she was saying.

"Then you come back, we watch films, eat dinner and go to bed. And then we do the same thing the next day, you spend the night, you stay with me. You leave your toothbrush in my bathroom."

"We're not dating, this...this isn't dating Charlie." She knew turning up on his doorstep was a bad idea, but she had still done it. She knew she would have to leave, but she still turned up in the first place. She didn't really understand it but she had to get out.

"It could be," he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "I uh, I care about you-"

"Charlie-"

"If you can say you don't care about me then I'll stop now...but I think you do. I'm not saying it'll be perfect or even easy our case is slowly killing us but you," he sighed. "You've made it easier, I uh, I want to get to know you, to continue seeing you like this." He pressed his lips against hers, bringing his hand around to the back of her neck.

"Charlie." She couldn't think straight when he was kissing her. He was offering her the chance to begin a relationship, she wanted to say yes, to try but she knew it would never work...she couldn't quite remember why. Charlie was a good man, he was funny, charming, smart, hard working and caring, it was rare to meet a man like him and she did care about him and she was attracted to him but she didn't know if that was enough.

She moaned as he plunged his tongue into her mouth.

"Just try this with me, if it doesn't work I'll back off I promise." He pressed his lips against hers again.

"We..." she took a deep breath. "I don't know..." she wanted to say yes, but something was holding her back. "Can we just...can we go slow?" she asked, softly kissing him.

"You'll stay the night?" he slowly climbed on top of her. "And be here when I wake up?"

"Okay," she whispered, not quite sure what her promise would lead to.

**

4 weeks later

She wouldn't cry, she would not cry. Two more minutes, two more minutes and then she could lose it, she could scream and she could cry. She shut the crib door and ran her hand along her face as the first tears fell.

Matthew Richards was 3 years old. The bastard took a baby, a baby. She'd been awake for nearly 40 hours straight struggling to find him, desperate to save the little boy who was stolen from his stroller. She had found the little boy face down in a ditch, his tiny body battered and bruised, she could barely hold the contents of her stomach. Now, after watching Matthews mother collapse into Elliot's arms, screaming, begging him to take back the words he'd spoken she couldn't hold it in any longer.

The killer was becoming less and less frequent, and she knew they only had a few more weeks to catch him before he went underground returning again in 6 months. This son of a bitch was picking children off one by one and there was not a god damn thing she could do about it. "God!" she slammed her hands against the wall. She couldn't save these children, there were no clues, no evidence ever left behind. She couldn't keep doing this, she couldn't.

"Liv," Charlie walked in slowly. He watched as she quickly wiped her eyes and sniffed.

"Where's Elliot?" she asked, her voice breaking. She had barely spoken to her partner in days. He was spending every spare minute at home and she was certain he was going back to his family for good. She wanted to see if he was okay, the little boy resembled Eli, an older version of his son.

"He's gone home." He took two steps forward, placing a soft hand on the back of her neck.

"Don't." She pulled away as more tears threatened to escape.

"Come here," he urged, placing his hand on her arm again, pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms around her.

"He was just a baby."

Charlie placed a soft kiss on the side of her forehead. "It's okay," he comforted her, knowing exactly how much she was hurting.

Neither one of them noticed the lone figure watching through the window.

**

Elliot stood watching as Wallace held his partner, he'd left the s 1-6, wanting to go to his children and hug them but stopped, knowing exactly how much Olivia would be suffering. The little boy had been so small, his blonde curls reminding him of Eli, he knew Olivia thought the same. She had placed a soft hand on his shoulder, asking if he was okay, she had no idea how much he'd needed that gentle touch and he wanted to return the favour.

He'd noticed that Wallace and Olivia had been spending a lot of time together but she was very rarely this physically comfortable with people. He'd held her once and for the first few second she was so tense, slowly she moulded into his hold and clung to him but that was after nearly 10 years of being partners, she'd known Wallace for only 6 weeks.

He froze as he watched Wallace pressing his lips against Olivia's. She showed no hesitation and he knew from that alone that it wasn't the first time it had happened. She placed her hands on the side of Charlie's face and Elliot felt like his heart was about to explode. How long had this been going on? His heart was thumping, he wanted to hot something, to put his hand through the window, anything. He'd only apologised for accusing her of sleeping with Wallace and she'd allowed him to, how could she just stand there and listen to apologise for accusing her for doing something she actually had done and not even attempt to stop him, to tell him that she was sleeping with the son of a bitch. How could she lie to him like that?

He swallowed the lump in his throat and walked away slowly.

**

"There's something we're missing." She felt like she was banging her head against a brick wall, she'd been searching through the archives of all the children who had been murdered so far, there were so many. "What do you think?" she asked her partner who was sat across from her at his desk.

He simply shook his head at her, he'd barely said a word to her in weeks. He'd been quiet, moody and back to his old miserable self. She'd tried to talk to him, catching him when he was alone and asking if everything was okay to which he replied "I'm fine" she couldn't quite help but feel the sarcasm in his voice. Since then she hadn't even tried, he was like a human yo yo. She thought after they had had a moment of clarity after Karen Jones' suicide that things would slowly start to get back to normal. She was wrong.

"Do uh, do you want to go and something to eat later?" One last try.

"Not really." He didn't even look at her, he kept his eyes firmly on the file in front of him. Did he have any idea how god damn rude he was being?

"Elliot?" she started only to stop as her phone began to ring. "Benson?" she listened to Charlie on the other end of the phone and her eyes widened. "We'll be there in 5." She shot up. "Elliot, they think they found a new victim, he's alive!"

It took only second for them both to exit and head towards the hospital.

**

Charlie paced the hospital corridor anxiously waiting to hear from the doctors who had taken the broken and battered little boy into the exam room.

"Charlie?" He turned to see Olivia and Elliot. "Is he alive?" her eyes were wide and he knew just how desperate she was for the little boy who had been found abandoned in the middle of a play park, to be okay. No one had reported the little boys abduction but the fact that he had been found alive was a huge breakthrough, either the killer was losing his urge to kill, or had slipped up either way it was a breakthrough they desperately needed.

"He's still alive, he's a toddler, a lot younger than the other victims. He was conscious when he was found by a couple walking their dog, Munch and Fin are interviewing them now. I'd say he's four or five?"

"Do we know it's the same killer? We didn't even know he was missing, and he's alive?" Elliot asked, hoping that the child had survived the monsters hands but not willing to believe it just yet.

"It could be a copy cat," Olivia agreed. "We just uh, we need to wait and hear from Munch and Fin and hope this little guy makes it," she walked towards the closed door, beginning to pace slowly.

It was few minutes later when he snapped.

"Would you just sit down?" Elliot's voice echoed along the narrow corridor. Both Wallace and Olivia looked up at him, Olivia looked slightly confused and a little upset and for a second he almost felt guilty, he knew she had no idea why he was angry at her.

Wallace glared at him angrily, "What's the problem Stabler?" he spoke slowly.

"No problem Wallace, you got a problem?" He almost dared him to say yes, he didn't need any excuse to fight the bastard.

"You uh, you don't have to talk to her like that." He wasn't going to argue with Stabler, that was all he wanted to say, it pissed him off when he spoke to her like she was his property. He could see how much Olivia valued his friendship, and it hurt him to see her being rejected so often by him. When he first met them they were different, she would constantly stand up for him and he would snap but then apologise and he knew they were in sink. Now it was different, he would snap at her and she would try not to look hurt but Stabler didn't care, Charlie had tried to talk to Olivia about him, about the way he treated her but she told him to forget about it. He still didn't understand why she didn't stand up to him and the more Stabler pushed her away the more and more defeated she became.

"I don't think how I talk to my partner is any of your God damned business," he practically growled.

"She's not just your partner Stabler-" he stopped. He was about to say something Olivia had begged him not to say. They had had many conversations in bed, she'd yet to tell him the most intimate things about her life, this he knew, he also knew not to push her and that she would eventually open up to him. One of the things they had spoken about was Elliot, whenever he broached the subject she would kiss him, and urge him to make love to her again, he knew this was a diversion tactic but she was irrisistable. The only thing she had said about her partner was that she didn't want him to know about her private life and she urged Charlie not to tell him about their relationship.

"No? You wanna tell me what else she is?" Elliot took one step forward and Olivia watched as the two men prepared to come to blows again.

"Stop it." She stood in between them, one hand on each of their chests pushing them away from each other. "Elliot, stop." She looked him right in the eye and didn't recognise what she saw, she could always tell what he was thinking, always...what was going on?

"No please, tell me Wallace?" Elliot tore his stare from Olivia to Wallace. "You think you know her so well?" He tried to move forward, pushing against Olivia's hand.

"What the hell is your problem? All I'm asking is that you don't talk to her like she's a piece of crap."

"Charlie, stop it. Would you stop it?" she pushed the two men further apart as they both pushed against her.

"No Liv, I'm sorry but I won't let him keep treating you like this. Stabler, there's something you need to know-"

"No," she turned to him, pleading with her eyes. "Charlie, no." She wasn't ready for Elliot to know, he had to understand that.

"Agent Wallace?" The nurse frowned as all three officers looked up, still in the same positions, Olivia between the two men pushing them apart.

"Uh, sorry." Olivia lowered her hands, trusting the two men not to kick the crap out of each other in front of other people. "Is he alright?"

"He has a few broken ribs, he was beaten up pretty badly. He has a nasty gash across his stomach and rope marks on his arms."

Charlie and Olivia shared a glance, these were tell tale signs of the murderer they had been searching.

"He's stable, very frightened, he hadn't said a word since he woke up."

"Can I see him?" she asked softly, embarrassed thinking about how unprofessional they must all look.

"Just two of you, I don't want him to be too overwhelmed." With that she walked back into the room.

"I'm going in there-"

"I'm going-"

Both men stopped and looked at Olivia. She wanted to tell them both to stay out in the corridor but she couldn't risk them beating the crap out of each other in public.

"Charlie, you should go and see if Fin and Munch have found anything," she spoke softly, hoping he would understand.

"You're serious?" he raised his eyebrows. "Right." Before she had the chance to say anything he was gone. She knew he would be mad, but Elliot would have been unbearable.

"What the hell was that?" the anger she felt as she turned to her partner surprised them both. "You're acting like a child Elliot-"

"Don't tell me I'm acting like a child." His voice was low and the way he was staring at her sent s chill down her spine.

"Then don't act like one-"

"You know you're not exactly in a great place to be telling people how to behave right now."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she was going to hit him, there and then she was going to p[punch her partner in the face. She coudln't put up with it anymore, he was infuriating.

"Detectives?" The Nurse popped her head out of the door, wondering what was taking them so long.

"We need to talk about this-" she didn't even get the chance to finish her sentence when Elliot simply walked past her muttering.

"There's nothing to talk about."

**

As she walked into the hospital room Olivia saw the little boy lying on the hospital bed, he looked so small he couldn't have been any older than 2. He had cuts and bruises all over his body and she could see he was terrified. The doctors were moving around him carrying out tests to make sure he really was okay.

"Hi," she spoke softly, it was a tone Elliot had heard thousands of times. As much as he wanted to yell at her and ask her what the hell she was doing, he knew that right now the little boy came first. "I'm Olivia and I'm a police officer, what's your name?" she sat on the side of the bed, watching as the little boy stared at her, trying to figure out if she was a friend or foe. He turned his attention to Elliot, "This is Elliot, he's my friend."

"Hey buddy," he brought out his warmest smile. He frowned, watching the little boy wince as the doctor forced a long needle into his arm, tears filled the tiny child's eyes.

"Do you...do you have to do that-" Elliot started watching as the young boy cried with pain, tears running down his cheeks.

"Hey, you're okay," Olivia softly ran her finger along his other arm trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry, I know it's not fun to watch- he's in a lot of pain and we're just trying to ease it, and make sure there's nothing else causing him any pain," the Doctor informed them. He pulled away, finished, as the little boy became hysterical. "I'm sorry little guy."

Elliot watched as the toddler held his arms out to Olivia as he sobbed. She turned to her partner and then the doctor.

"You can hold him, just be careful of his ribs. The pain killers should set in soon." The doctor left quickly leaving Olivia and Elliot with the young child.

"Liv," Elliot prompted as the sobbing grew more intense.

"It's okay sweetheart, you're okay." She very carefully picked him up and held him close to her, her hand cupping the back of his head as she gently shushed him. "It's okay, you're alright."

**

It had been two hours since Olivia had first held the only known survivor of the monster they were chasing. She sat in the hospital chair, the young boy sat on her lap, cuddled into her chest and fast asleep.

She looked up as Elliot walked in.

"Cragen wants us to stay with him, he's got the guys searching for leads."

"He wanted us to find him," she spoke softly, scared of waking the sleeping child. "He's playing games with us, he left him in the park on purpose."

"We don't know that," he told her, sitting on the vacant hospital bed. "But, I agree with you. There's something different about this kid, he's never broken his pattern before, why now?"

"Have Fin and Munch found his parents?" she looked down at the sleeping child.

"No, you think he killed them?" he asked, finding it hard to stay angry at her as she cradled the toddler in her arms.

"I don't know..." she trailed off. "El-"

"Not now," he told her, knowing exactly what she was about to say. He couldn't yell at her while she was holding a sleeping child. He sighed, why the hell did he want to yell at her? He knew her private life was none of his business but he couldn't help feeling...jealous?

"Elliot." Her voice shook his from his thoughts. "We need to do this, and...you won't yell at me while I'm holding a baby," she tried to joke. She watched as he sighed. "I'm sorry," she told him.

"For what?" he asked, knowing she was apologising just to make things better.

"For...whatever it is that I've done-"

"Stop it," he stood up.

"Please don't go, please." She very slowly got up and put the baby back on the bed, following Elliot out the door. "Elliot, I can't keep doing this with you."

"So what do you want to do?" he was waiting for her to tell him that she was leaving again, with Wallace. "You wanna go then go, because I can't keep doing it either."

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, trying to stop her lip from quivering, she had no idea how it had come to this.

"Do what you want, it doesn't matter what I think." He watched the colour drain from her face as she finally realised.

"How long have you known?" she asked softly. How could she have been so stupid? Of course he knew, he was a detective.

"Does it matter?" he sighed, he wanted to yell at her but he couldn't as she stood in front of him looking like she could break at any minute. "I think maybe it's time for a change-"

"No-"

"You know what they say Liv, when you can't trust your partner-"

"I do trust you, Elliot, I trust you I just wasn't ready-"

"I don't trust you."

His words hit her like a ton of bricks. He didn't trust her. She had lied to him, and now he knew she had lied to him, he had every right not to trust her.

"Don't do this," she could barely speak. She wanted to apologise again, to tell him that she didn't mean to lie and to explain why she had...but she couldn't, she couldn't tell him that she was scared of telling him because she knew he hated Charlie and his opinion was the only opinion that mattered to her. She knew that if this was any other man, and any other case this wouldn't be happening. The stress was getting to them all.

"I...I think we need some time apart-" he shook his head, angry at himself for inevitably hurting her but knowing it was what he had to do.

"How long?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper.

"I don't know." He didn't know, he couldn't be around her knowing that she had lied to him, that she was seeing him...he couldn't be around her when the thought of her with another man nearly drove him insane.

They both looked up as they heard the sobs of the little boy from the room they had just left.

"Elliot-"

"You should go to him, I uh, I'll see you." He walked away slowly leaving her no choice but to take a deep breath and walk back into the child's room.

"Hey, it's okay." She gently picked him up and held him close as he cried. "It's going to be okay," she whispered as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

**

"His name is Joseph Macintire."

The short, middle aged and slightly grumpy social worker told Olivia. She had been waiting for hours for someone to arrive to take the little boy to safety nearly four days after being nearly beaten to death. She'd sat with him every night, ignoring calls from Charlie and praying for just one call from Elliot, she'd had none. He'd walked away from her days ago and she hadn't seen him since, she'd thought about calling but there really wasn't anything else to say.

She had been to the station to talk to Cragen and re interview witnesses but the majority of her time was spent at the hospital with the two year old little boy who had somehow managed to make her forget exactly how much of a shambles her personal life was in. She'd called him buddy, a nickname Elliot introduced and it just stuck, she'd tried to guess his name but he didn't react to anything. At night she had simply watched him sleep, it was beautiful and at time overwhelming, she wondered if this was what Elliot spent his night's doing when he lived at home?

Charlie had visited a few times but she'd insisted there was no need for him to stay. He'd kissed her softly and she hated herself for feeling like she was betraying her best friend. Elliot had essentially forced her to choose between him and the man she'd started to like a lot more than she had expected to and she hated feeling like she had to choose between her best friend and her not yet boyfriend.

Joseph, as she now knew him, had perked up in the few days she had spent with him. She was still baffled as to why this little boy survived but silently thanked whoever was responsible. He had begun mumbling, she watched as he happily sat talking to himself whilst playing with whatever toys she could find around the hospital and hoped that he wouldn't remember the horrors he had already faced in his young life.

"Joseph huh?" she turned to the little boy who was happily playing with the teddy bear one of the nurses had supplied.

"His father left him in the park hoping someone would take care of him, said he couldn't cope anymore-"

"The mother?" Olivia asked, unable to feel anything but anger towards the man who had unintentionally left his son for dead.

"She left a few months ago, dad said he'd tried to get help but no one was listening."

"So he just dumped his son in a park? Why not a hospital or a police station?"

As the woman began to speak again Olivia turned to Joseph, how could anyone want to abandon him? How could any parent abandon their child? Of course his father didn't know what would happen to the little boy but it didn't change the fact that he left him alone surrounded by strangers.

"Detective Benson?"

"Uh, I'm sorry." She forced an apologetic smile.

"Are you happy for me to take him now? We have a family who are more than ready for him."

Olivia turned to Joseph, she'd been asked by Cragen to stay with the toddler and as hard as she tried she had gotten attached, the way that he would cling to her as she held him or the way he would react to every silly face with an infectious giggle meant she had to fight the sadness that was threatening to rise up from the bottom of her chest.

"Hey Buddy...Joseph, you're gonna be okay now." She picked him up and gave him a soft squeeze before handing him over to the woman who would inevitably bring him to a safe house where he would be loved, that made the sadness a little better, knowing he would be safe and happy. "Bye," she whispered as the social worker carried him out of the room leaving her alone.

**

"You okay?" Charlie wrapped his arms around Olivia as she lay with her back to him a mere moments after making love.

She couldn't remember when it changed from having sex to making love and if she was completely honest with herself it frightened her. Sex with Charlie had been so easy, no complications, no niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach, it was pure attraction and lust and she liked it that way.

When she had agreed to a relationship with him she hadn't expected it to last very long, she certainly didn't expect to start having feelings for him and when one night they made love it completely threw her. She hadn't felt connected with a partner intimately like this for a very long time, and as much as she tried to convince herself that it was just sex, that it was a casual relationship she soon found it hard to keep pretending. It happened as soon as she let her guard down around him, crying in front of him and letting him hold her when the latest victim, a three year old, was found, it was that night that they had first made love, he'd held her in his arms, kissed her, held her, moved within her and it was...amazing.

She'd been fighting her feelings for Charlie, despite both her head an heart telling her not to, it wasn't until a few days ago in what was set to be a final confrontation with her partner that she realised why. She was holding back on Charlie because of Elliot, because he hated Charlie and because she cared a little too much about what he thought. She knew exactly how he would react and tried to avoid it by not telling him at all, that went well...

She had been thinking about the silent ultimatum her partner gave her as he walked away form her and although months ago she would have chosen her partnership with Elliot over any other man she was finding it hard to make the same decision with Charlie, Elliot would, undoubtedly, return to Kathy, didn't she deserve to be happy?

She needed to speak to her partner to make him understand that she had been lonely, unhappy and struggling until Charlie came into her life and now, she was genuinely happy with him despite the hellish case they were working on.

"Liv?" He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder blade, sending a chill from the bottom to the top of her spine.

"Elliot knows," she spoke softly. She felt him shift against her, perhaps not too happy that moments after making love his girlfriend was talking about another man.

"How did he take it?" he asked, bringing his arm around to her front, pulling her towars him so that her back was against his chest.

"He was okay..." she trailed off.

"That's about as likely as me running off with Cragen," he whispered, she could feel his smile against her shoulder blade.

"He'll get used to it." She hoped. She smiled as he traced soft kisses from her shoulder to her neck, her neck to her cheek and then her lips. She shifted so that she was face to face with him. He traced the outline of her cheek bone, eventually running his hand through her hair.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he genuinely wondered. He knew she was unsure of herself at times and it was one of the many things he loved about her...

"Ssshhh," she smiled, unable to take the compliment without blushing. She pushed him onto his back and rested her head on his shoulder, running her hand along his stomach.

"Tell me about Lisa," she whispered, hoping it wasn't too soon. He hadn't mentioned his daughter since his first admission and she wondered if he was ready for her to press the subject. She felt him take a deep breath.

"She was a May baby, 7lbs exactly...."

As she listened to her lover speaking of his lost child she became convinced that, as unsure as she was, as scared as she was, a relationship with him was something she could pursue, wanted to persue, she only hoped her partner would understand.

**

"He wanted us to find Joseph," Olivia spoke confidently.

Cragen, Much, Fin, Charlie and Elliot all listened as she explained her theory.

"There's got to be a reason why he didn't kill him-"

"Maybe he was too young?" Munch suggested.

Olivia shook her head, "No, he doesn't care about that, he's heartless, he forces children to watch others children being killed. He wanted us to find him, but why?"

"To mess with us? To show he calls the shots?" Fin asked.

"So this is to send a message to us?" Cragen asked. "Has he ever done anything like this before? Sent a message to officers involved?"

"Never, he has no contact with the officers, this is the first time," Charlie answered. "So why is he now?" he asked, moving to the case board.

"Maybe he couldn't kill his own kid?" Elliot spoke for the first time in what seemed like hours.

"No, it wasn't Macintire, we already checked, he had an alibi for nearly every killing. Maybe he know the kid though?" Munch asked.

"No," Olivia shook her head. "He wouldn't care, he may well have known some of the children he killed but that's not it, he isn't an emotional killer." She looked at the board, squinting hoping to see anything she may have missed. "Did Warner get any DNA from Joseph?"

"She's testing some hairs that she found on him, she said she'd let us know." Fin sat down, racking his brains to think of anything useful Joseph's father may have said.

"It just...it seems clumsy, and we know he's not a clumsy killer, everything he does is done on purpose," she reminded her colleagues.

"So, what do we do now?" Elliot asked, at least he was speaking to her at work.

"Now we wait for his next message and hope he doesn't kill again." Olivia didn't like it but she knew they had no other option.

"Olivia," Cragen called as the men dispersed back to their desks. They headed into his office. "I just wanted to let you know I had a call from social services," he told her, watching as frowned. "They wanted me to tell you that Joseph is settling in well to his new foster home and to thank you for staying with him," he smiled softly.

She returned the smile, happy that the little boy was safe.

"They are also charging his father with abandonment, but I'm going to request no jail time."

"You are?"

"He didn't know what would happen Olivia, he was a father struggling to cope and I think you can understand that?" he asked.

Images of her mother flickered through her mind. She nodded and turned towards the door.

"Olivia?"

"Cap?" she turned to him.

"We're going to get this bastard."

"I know, I know Cap." She walked out of his office and into the squad room. Munch and Fin were sat looking through old files, Charlie was sat at her desk on the phone, Elliot was no-where to be seen.

**

"Thought I might find you up here," she spoke softly, walking out onto the roof.

"I was just going down-"

"Can you spare a few minutes?" she asked, hoping he would say yes but knowing there was every chance he would simply walk past her and go back inside. He was a stubborn son of a bitch.

"Wallace know you're up here?" he retorted.

"Don't do that," she sighed, folding her arms. In all her years with Elliot, all the arguments and disagreements, she had never felt so awkward. "This isn't about Charlie-"

"Yes it is, this is about you and him-"

"No, this is about you and me." Her words shocked them both. "You...I should have told you about Charlie and I'm sorry I didn't, I am. I...I was just getting used to the idea myself and-"

"You don't have to explain it me Olivia," he couldn't hold her stare.

"I don't want to fight with you, we don't need to fight about this-"

"How would you feel if I suddenly pulled a girlfriend out of no where?"

"Is it about that face that you didn't know or the fact that it's Charlie?"

"He's an ass-"

"No, he's not Elliot, you haven't given him a chance-"

"I don't want to give him a chance!" he yelled. Didn't she get it? He couldn't be friends with him, not while he was with her, he could barely look at him knowing that he went home with her, went to bed with HIS partner. "He's going to break your heart, what about when this psycho moves on? Is Charlie going to stay here? Or maybe you'll go with him? You're good at that-"

"Hey, you're the one who told me to go. You can't do this anymore remember?" she asked, bringing back their last conversation.

"So, what? You want me to sit back and let him use you-"

"Stop it." Her teeth bit into her bottom lip, did he have any idea how infuriating he was?

"How do you know he doesn't have a different girl in every city? How do you know he hasn't used the same lines on you that he has on every other girl he's ever met-"

"Stop it," her stomach dropped, wondering if Elliot was right.

"What the hell do you want me to do? Stick around till he screws you over and then pick up the pieces?"

"You know what I'm a big girl, I can pick myself up-" she stopped, he even had her convinced it would end in tears. "When did you become so bitter?"

"When you passed the buck Liv." He angrily walked past her and left her alone on the roof. She wanted him to be happy for her, to be her partner, her friend, to allow her to be happy for a change. She sighed and closed her eyes, she was so exhausted she felt physically sick. The case had drained her physically and emotionally and for every hint of joy and happiness Charlie brought into her life the bastard they were chasing would snatch it away and replace it with anger and confusion and it was finally starting to take its toll on her physically.

Elliot only added to the exhaustion, she understood why he was upset but as usual Un-Stabler had to take it to a new level, she only hoped he would revert back to her partner and friend, sooner rather than later. She didn't know how much more she could take.

**

One week later

"Can you just tell her we called?" Elliot asked, not even trying hide the anger from his voice. He and Olivia had been trying to trace Joseph's mother to search for any possible lead and she was so far proving difficult to find.

"That was the last one on the list-"

"Great, end of the wild goose chase." He was in a foul mood, again. For the past week she had been partnered with Fin, she was sure Elliot had requested a break, she didn't know how temporary it was. Today Fin had informed her she would be working with her old partner and her stomach had dropped, he had barely said a word to her all week.

She still felt ill, completely exhausted and run down but she had to grin and bear it. She never thought she would have to bear Elliot, it was always so easy between them, of course they'd argued, but never like this.

"Do you want to go and get a drink? Cragen said he didn't need us back-"

"No thanks, I have plans." He walked a few steps ahead of her. She followed in hot pursuit.

"Is this what it's going to be like all the..." she stopped suddenly, gripping the wall for support as her legs threatened to buckle and her head swam.

"What?" He turned to her, his heart stopping he saw her clinging to the wall, eyes wide. "Liv." He ran forwards catching her as her eyes closed and her legs buckled. "Liv!" he sank to the floor with her in his arms. His heart was racing as he desperately grasped for his mobile phone. "I need a bus...."

**

He'd been sat in the same corridor for nearly forty minutes. No updates, no kinds words of comfort, nothing. As he was on the phone screaming for a bus he'd looked down to see his partner's eyes fluttering open. She insisted that she was fine, unsteadily trying to stand up, failing miserably and falling back into his arms, eventually she accepted his help and he supported her as she stood, insisting she was fine.

He had no idea what had happened, one minute she was yelling at him, the next she was in his arms unconscious. He had been a bastard to her for weeks, he could see she was tired, exhausted even, he could see she wasn't completely coping and he still pushed her. He shook his head, it wasn't his fault.

"Where is she?!" there was no mistaking Wallace' voice, even when filled with panic.

"She uh, she's still with the doctor," Elliot informed the other man. He'd called Cragen whilst in the ambulance, the ambulance Olivia had insisted she didn't need, Cragen must have told the others.

"What happened?" Charlie asked, struggling to calm his quickly beating heart. He had no idea hwta had happened, he heard the words hospital and Olivia and simply bolted towards the nearest exit.

"She, she fainted." He closed his eyes, his mind replaying the exact moment when she fell into his arms, his heart sinking the same way it had when it happened.

"What do you mean she fainted? What happened?"

"I just told you, she fainted, she was fine and then she fainted-"

"Why? What happened before that-" he needed to know if she was hurt, had she hit her head?

"I don't know what happened! I just know she passed out okay, I'm as worried as you are."

"You could've fooled me," he snapped.

"Don't start that crap with me-"

"Where the hell have you been huh Stabler? Throwing your toys out of your pram because you found out about me?"

"You really want to do this here?" he turned to Wallace, he would happily take him out there and then but Olivia didn't need any more stress. His eyes travelled to the room that she was being treated in, he needed to know she was okay.

As his mind again ran through every single thing that could be wrong with her he noticed her door open. A small, older man walked towards them.

"Family of Olivia Benson?" he asked. Both Elliot and Charlie stood forward.

"I'm her partner."

"I'm her boyfriend."

Wallace's words physically hurt him, he felt like his had been struck across the chest.

"Okay, she's fine. She's suffering from exhaustion, slight dehydration and a number of other stress related minor issues, she's going to be absolutely fine, but she needs to rest, to take it easy. I want her to take two days off of work and to sleep as much as she can," The Doctor informed them. "If either of you can think of anything in particular that is causing the stress try to keep it away from her. A few days rest and a little less stress she'll be fine."

"Thank you." Elliot could barely breathe, what had he done to her? He turned to Charlie as the doctor walked away. "Uh, can you take her home?"

"Of course." Both men had been given an accidental warning, no more fighting, no more stress.

"Okay, tell her...I hope she gets better soon and I'll take care of Cragen."

"Thank you." It wasn't exactly friendly but civil would have to do. Charlie watched as Elliot walked away, he walked towards Olivia's hospital room. She met him at the door, coat on, ready to go. "Hey," Charlie enveloped her in his arms. "You had me worried," he told her, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm sorry," she apologised, her voice no more than a whisper.

He pulled away from her slightly, worried by the tone of her voice, she was pale with bags under her eyes. "You feeling okay? Do you need me to-"

"I'm okay, take me home. Please?" she asked, again so quietly be could barely hear her.

He nodded, wrapping an arm around her and leading her to the exit.

**

He'd been lying awake for hours, unable to sleep having been part o the reason his partner collapsed. Stress. He'd certainly given her plenty of that, he sighed. His eyes darted to the living room as he heard a soft knock on the door.

**

She hadn't said a word since he had opened the door.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Elliot asked, pouring a cup of tea from her old stash, the one she used when she used to come to his apartment. "Sit," he offered.

"Thank you." She accepted the tea with both hands, setting it down on the coffee table in front of her. There was a long pause.

"Liv?" he started, uncertain of what exactly he was supposed to say. "I uh, I'm sorry about today, about everything. I didn't mean to make you...to make you-"

"You didn't." She didn't give him time to finish his apology. She was obviously unsettled about something but he couldn't tell what it was, had she argued with Wallace? If he'd argued with her after being told not to stress her out Elliot was going to have to punch him.

"What's going on?" he asked, in a softer tone than she had heard him speak to her in for a very long time.

She couldn't say it.

"Liv, you're worrying me." He placed his hand over hers, watching as tears formed in her eyes, he had never seen her like this. "Liv-"

"I'm pregnant."

His heart stopped."Wh...what?" He couldn't think straight, she was...how...what?

"I...I should go-" she shook her head, this was a bad idea. WHat was she thinking coming here? She couldn't deal with this right now.

"Hang on...what...you..." he shook his head trying to make sense of the two words that had essentially collapsed any straight thinking and comforting he had planned to do when he thought she and Charlie had split up. "You can't just leave..." how could she drop that bombshell and leave?

She simply stared at him, eyes wide and tear filled. Her chest was heaving and she looked utterly distraught.

"I have to go." She stood up and took exactly two steps before Elliot grabbed her arms and spun her around, enveloping her in his arms. She fought him for a few moments, struggling to pull away from his grasp before sinking into his hold and clinging to him as the tears slipped down her cheeks.

**

"Does Charlie know?" he asked once he had managed to calm her down and sit her down on the sofa.

She shook her head, unable to even thing about what his reaction would be.

"How uh, how far-"

"Six weeks." She closed her eyes, they had been so careful. She had nearly fainted again when the doctor cheerily gave her the news, he obviously hadn't expected her to cry, or to stare at him in shock for nearly five minutes.

"You uh, you didn't know?" he could barely take in the news himself, watching as she shook her head.

"I thought I was tired." She brought her hand up to cover her mouth, how could she be pregnant?

"You and Wallace...how long-"

"Eight weeks," she almost laughed. She must have fallen pregnant within the first week of their relationship. How was she going to tell him? She shook her head, unwilling to think about it.

"I uh, I don't know what to do to make it better," he offered softly.

"Neither do I-" she swallowed a sob that was threatening to escape. She closed her eyes as a single tear slipped down her cheek. This wasn't supposed to happen. "I...I can't even think straight El," she admitted.

"I..." he didn't know what to day, he was still in shock. "Are you happy?" She didn't look happy.

"I...no." She shook her head, unable to think straight. "This...this wasn't supposed to happen, I...we aren't...God." She covered her forehead with the palm of her hand.

"Do you want to stay the night? I can sleep on the sofa." He offered. He didn't know what else he could do, his heart was still beating twice its usual pace as he struggled to accept that his partner was, in fact, pregnant.

"No, I uh, I should go-"

"Liv, you came here for a reason..." he told her.

"I...I shoulnd't have come here." She stood up again. She should have spoken to Charlie, after a silent car ride home she had practically begged him to leave her alone and after walking her to her door and placing a soft kiss on her cheek he did as she'd asked. She knew he was worried and yet here she was. She couldn't even think about Charlie, everytime she thought of him, more tears would come and the panic would set in.

She had sat in her apartment staring at the same dot on the wall for hours before breaking down, she needed comfort, she needed what any woman needed, her best friend, but her best friend was a man who had caused her more stress in the past few weeks than she could take. "I shouldn't have come here," she repeated. "You know why I did?" she looked up, meeting his stare for the first time since her announcement. "I uh, I was scared that I was betraying you by telling him first, that you would....that you would be angry at me if I told him first- God!" She brought both hands up to cover her face.

"Liv-"

"No! God, you have...Do you..." she shook her head. She had actually sat at home, wondering how angry he would be if she didn't tell him first. It wasn't his baby, why the hell was she worried about him?

She was utterly terrified about talking to Charlie. She had been with him for only two months, how could she possibly judge his reaction in such a short time. Having only just convincing herself to give a relationship with him a real go, this was a huge shift and one she was no-where near ready for.

What if Charlie was angry? What if he blamed her? What if he didn't want to know?

"Liv-" Elliot's voice shook her from his thoughts.

"No – you....I...I sat at home thinking about you...why...I need you to..." she couldn't form a single sentence. She was angry, angry at him for forcing her to choose and for being such a bastard for the past few weeks. "I was so scared to tell him and...I thought that you would be mad at me, that you would think I was choosing him over you if I told him first. And I...I don't want to choose..." she shook her head, knowing that she already had by coming to him first. She had chosen her partner, maybe because she was scared, maybe because she needed someone who was once her closest friend to tell her that it would all be okay even though she feared it wouldn't.

"Whatever you need, Liv, whatever you need. I promise." He was literally desperate to hold her, to comfort her, to make it all okay.

"I...I don't know what to do, and I...I need you," she whispered. She needed him to be strong for her the way that she had always been strong for him now that she was more lost than she had ever been in her life.

"You've got me," he promised, pulling her into another tight hug and pressing his lips against the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay..."

**This was a massive update, it's three chapters together just to apologise for keeping you waiting for so long! This story does have a twist coming and I have up to chapter 20 written so PLEASE review, let me know if you want more xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**As always thank you for the reviews, you guy amaze me! This is another longen, and the next one is going to jump forwards a few months...I can't wait for you to read it.**

**Thank you for continuing to trust me with our beloved E/O.**

**Also just wanted to say a quick sorry, the only time I get to write is stupid O'clock over here so I'm always exhausted. I'm sorry for the mistakes, I hope there aren't too many. Enjoy...**

**Also wanted to say sorry for the delay, this story is now complete. I would LOVE to hear a bit more feedback so I'm hoping to update REALLY quickly but I'd really like some feedback. This story was a labour of love and I really appreciate the reviews that have been left so far and I PROMISE to get on top of updating more often. Would LOVE to know what you think xx **

She'd been alone for hours, millions of thoughts running through her mind as she sat on her sofa with a blanket wrapped around her. She'd thought about calling Charlie, she'd thought about it a lot, but instead she turned her phone off. When Elliot had dropped her home he had offered to stay, she'd politely declined and assured him that despite crying on his shoulder for hours, she would be okay alone. She knew he wanted to insist, she could see it in his eyes, thankfully he gave her a soft smile and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before telling her to call him if she needed anything.

"_I can be here in minutes, just call me whenever okay?"_

She had thought he would be angry, in fact she had expected it but she'd still gone to him knowing that eventually the anger would cease and that he would comfort her and promise that it would be okay and she was willing to put up with the anger to get to the comfort. He'd surprised her by skipping anger all together and simply holding her as she cried, she'd never been more grateful, if there was ever a time to stop being an asshole that was it and he'd come through.

As she stood outside his apartment she'd wondered why she'd gone to him and not Charlie, every instinct had screamed at her to go to Elliot and so she did. She needed her best friend, they hadn't been acting very much like best friends recently but she knew that he would ease the panic and pain just for a little while. In those few short hours he returned to the man she had admired, respected and...cared a lot for for a very long time.

Why did it have to take this to get that man back? As relieved as she was to have her partner back the issue at hand was slightly overshadowing Elliot. She was pregnant. Pregnant. She had given up the idea of becoming a mother and she'd slowly started to accept it, as sad as it made her at times. Just a week ago she had wondered, as she held Joseph, if she was right to have given up. The little boy had clung to her in his sleep, his tiny fingers had wrapped around her own, he had outstretched his arms to her when he was distressed and he'd calmed almost instantly as she held him in her arms. This, he, had made her wonder if there were any other options and now, now that she had another option she was absolutely terrified.

Charlie had lost a child, he hadn't mentioned ever wanting another, she highly doubted he would ever be over the murder of his daughter and she knew how events like this affected people. The likelihood of him ever wanting more children was slim, especially with a woman he'd known for only a few months. She had to tell him, she knew that, she just didn't know when or how.

They had used protection, she was on the pill so how it quite happened she was unsure, she'd worked out the dates and realised that she must've fallen pregnant the first time that they had slept together. The night she comforted him after hearing about the loss of his daughter, the night she had held kissed him and lead him to her bedroom, the night he had entwined his hands with hers as they made love, like lifelong lovers. He had been so tender, so attentive and as strange as it sounded she relieved it hadn't been any other night. The first night they had both been so unsure, frightened almost and that made it so much more intimate. After the first time it was more dominant, more sexual, he'd taken her on her sofa, against the front door, against the kitchen counter, in the shower...She closed her eyes, she wanted him to hold her like he had just a few nights before, his soft whispers of adoration the only sound in the dark bedroom.

There was no way she was going to sleep, she had considered calling Elliot, asking him to come over for a little while. Suddenly craving the man she had been cursing for months was a strange sensation, and yet she couldn't help it. She fought the urge to call him, and wrapped her arms around herself. Elliot never had a problem sleeping, she couldn't wake him just because she was.

She closed her eyes slowly, still unable to accept that she was pregnant, that she was having a baby. She was still in shock, and of course millions of thoughts ran through her mind, but when it came down to it, the only thing she felt was fear, fear of telling Charlie and his reaction, the fear of carrying the child of someone she cared for, but had only just scratched the surface with...

There was no way that he was going to sleep, how could he? Olivia was pregnant. Pregnant. His heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach as the words literally flew out of her mouth, and it hadn't quite returned to its rightful place. He had never seen her so unsure, so...frightened, and he was relieved when she had allowed him to hold her. When he felt her shoulders shaking as she broke down he felt like doing the same, she never cried, she never allowed him to comfort her like this and yet she was clinging to him, gripping onto his shirt, silently begging him not to pull way.

He had always believed that she would be an amazing mother, and he'd told her so but now as it was finally happening he was almost as overwhelmed as she was. He had tried to comfort her, to tell her that it was all going to be okay but he had no idea what was going to happen. She and Wallace had only been seeing each other a matter of weeks and there was no telling how he would react.

He had been a lousy friend to Olivia recently, angry, bitter and jealous. He had considered just a few days ago admitting that he was confused about his feelings for her, that he'd been thinking of her in ways that he shouldn't have been and that was jealous as hell of Wallace. He had often thought that it may happen, that one day he would be able to tell her, to show her but he'd always pushed it to the back of his mind. He wasn't quite sure when he realised, unsure of when it finally clicked but it didn't matter anymore, she was having another man's baby, and she certainly didn't feel the same way, never had. It was over. They were partners and friends and that was all it was ever going to be.

He closed his eyes, attempting in vain to slip into a slumber where he thought of anything else but Olivia and the baby that she was carrying, the baby that wasn't his...

Charlie sat at Munch's desk, he was supposed to be looking through witness statements finding any similar links between their stories. What he was actually doing was staring at his phone, having sent a third texts message in as many hours. Olivia's phone had been off since he dropped her off at home and he was genuinely concerned, she hadn't said a word to him the whole car journey home, he put that down to the fact that she was exhausted. He had considered that she had just gone home and gone to bed, that was after all what the doctor had advised, but he couldn't help but worry.

He looked over to Elliot who had been sat at his own desk for an hour or so, maybe he had heard from her? No, they couldn't even look at each other without an arguments starting.

"Tell me you've got something?" Cragen asked as he exited his office.

"Nothing, he's too careful," Elliot sighed, shitting the case fil in front of him. "He only gives us what he wants us to have, Liv was right, we just have to wait."

"Liv was right about what?"

All three men turned as Olivia walked through the door, her hair tied in a neat pony tail and her makeup done to perfection, almost hiding the fact that she was been awake all night.

"You're supposed to be in bed-" Cragen started.

"I know, and I'm going to take it easy Cap, but I need to be here," she told him. She did, she had been driving herself mad at home for the past 14 hours, there was no way she would've lasted another minute.

"You were in the hospital less than 24 hours ago-"

"And I've slept for nearly 15 hours," she lied. "Captain, I've recharged my batteries and I'm okay, honestly." She looked her CO directly in the eye.

"Elliot, keep an eye on her." Cragen sighed before walking back into his office.

Of course he would keep an eye on her, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her since she'd walked in. He'd sat at his desk trying to work but instead wondering if Olivia had told Wallace that she was carrying his baby, she could've called him and told him after he'd dropped her home. He looked up as she took her jacket off, ignoring any eye contact with her partner. She'd said that she'd slept but he could tell that she hadn't, there was no way she had, he knew her to well. He was about to get up and ask her what the hell she was doing, she was supposed to be in bed or at least resting. He was beaten to the punch by Wallace who walked towards her the second Cragen walked into his office.

"Hey." He placed a soft hand on her arm. "You really okay? I...I tried to call-"

"I just went straight to bed, turned my phone off accidently. Sorry," she lied. She ignored Elliot's glare, she couldn't see him but she could feel it.

"Are you really feeling okay?" Charlie asked softly. She didn't look okay, she looked tired as hell. "I was worried, I...you know, I was worried," he fumbled. Charlie genuinely cared about her, Elliot noted, as much as he hadn't wanted to believe it.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm okay," she smiled, she knew Elliot would see through the forced smile but she didn't care. "We'll talk later okay?"

"Can I come round tonight?" he spoke softly, hoping Elliot wouldn't hear. Elliot, of course heard every word.

Olivia opened her mouth to answer when she was interrupted.

"Charlie, you ready?" Fin asked as he walked from the crib towards the door, not stopping.

"I'll see you later?" Charlie asked. God he wanted to kiss her, just to kiss her goodbye but he knew she didn't want the other men at work knowing just yet, and while Elliot was sat across from them all hell would have broken loose.

"Yeah," she smiled as he walked away, following Fin. As soon as he was gone she took a deep breath and turned to face Elliot. She sat in her seat, slightly unnerved as her partner simply stared at her. "What?" she asked eventually.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I work here." She watched as he started at her. She had been with him not even 24 hours ago sobbing on his shoulder but of course now she didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't giving her an option.

"Liv-"

"El, I'm fine." His favourite line.

"You're not fine, you haven't slept-"

"I don't need to sleep, I didn't faint from exhaustion Elliot-"

"Just because you didn't faint because of it doesn't mean you aren't," he shot. He watched as she closed her eyes briefly.

"Elliot," she sighed. "I...I need to be doing something," she knew that she had to be honest with him.

"Does Cragen know?" he asked, watching as she shook her head. "Liv, it's not safe for you to be out there," he started.

"We're interviewing witnesses, we're nowhere near catching this bastard-"

"And what about the other cases? You have to tell Cragen, it's not safe for you to-"

"I'm not ready, El, I'm not ready." She finally met his stare. "I will tell him, I will," she promised. "But not yet, I just...I need some time to get used to this."

"Fine, but you're back with me. No more pairing with Fin or Munch-"

"We're together today-"

"No, not today, every day, every call," he told her.

"Elliot-"

"If you're not going to tell them then you're not going with them, I need to know your safe." He had very rarely been so honest with her. He watched as she nodded, relieved that she hadn't put up a bigger fight.

"Benson, Stabler" Cragen pulled open the door to his office. "You've got a shout."

Jennifer Conner was alone in her college dorm when someone used a key to gain access to the room and to rape her. She was sat in a small office, a large bruise covered her left cheek. She bit her lip as she struggled to keep herself together.

"Hi Jennifer," Olivia walked in first, closely followed by Elliot. She gave the young girl a sympathetic smile before sitting in the chair across from her. "I'm Olivia, and this is my partner Elliot." She gestured to Elliot who was stood behind her. "Can you tell me what happened?"

He watched, amazed as she jumped into cop mode, into support mode despite the issues in her own life.

"I...I was asleep," Jennifer started. "I hear the key in the door, and I thought it was Katie coming back-"

"Is Katie your roommate?"

Jennifer nodded. "I uh, I heard moving around and I was going to yell at her, for waking me up and then...someone got into bed with me..." her voice broke as tears filled her eyes. "I felt the knife against my throat and he..."

"It's okay," Olivia comforted the young girl as she struggled to continue, placing her hand over Jennifer's as a single tear slid down the students cheek.

"He told me...not to move..."

Both Elliot and Olivia listened as Jennifer described what had happened to her, Olivia encouraged her to go with them to the hospital and she agreed. After a short drive the two partners were waiting outside a small room as Jennifer got herself dressed after her examination.

"So we need to talk to the roommate, check that she didn't give a key to..." Olivia trailed off. She placed a hand on her chest, battling a wave of nausea.

"Hey, you okay?" Elliot was at her side in seconds, scared that she was about to faint again.

"Mmm," she placed her free hand on his chest, unable to speak as she took deep breaths.

"Are you gonna be sick?" he asked, placing one hand over hers as it rested on his chest and the other on her back, rubbing softly, it always worked for Kathy. They never touched like this, never, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to help her.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't think so..." she let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry-" she slipped her hand out from under his.

"Hey, I've been through this five time, sixth time will be a blast." He stopped smiling as he realised what he'd said. She hadn't seemed to notice. This wasn't his sixth time, it wasn't anything to do with him. He'd wondered last night what was going to happen, if Charlie walked away he was going to be there for her, he wanted to be there but if Charlie didn't walk away...would he be able to be there? Would Charlie allow him to be a part of Olivia's new life?

After dropping Jennifer at her parents Elliot drove them towards the station.

"I haven't told Charlie," Olivia admitted. She'd been waiting for Elliot to bring it up, after the minor incident at the hospital she knew he was going to so she beat him to it.

"I figured...why?" he hated feeling the tiniest bit of happiness knowing she was struggling with telling Charlie whilst being able to talk to him, he was a bastard.

"El, remember how you felt when Kathy told you she was pregnant with Maureen?" she asked. "Well now imagine you guys only having been together for six weeks? God..." she placed her head against the head rest.

"You know..." he watched as Olivia unintentionally placed her hand over her stomach. "I'm here for you, if he...whatever he does, whatever his reaction is, whatever your choice is...I'm here."

"I know, thank you...it's good to have you back," she admitted. "Now uh..." her expression suddenly changed to a frown. "Pull over," she placed a hand over her mouth as Elliot quickly pulled over to the curb, watching as his partner ran to the nearest crevasse to vomit. He closed his eyes, ignoring the physical ache in his chest every time he thought about the fact that his partner was carrying someone else child.

She hadn't exactly lied to Charlie, she'd told him that she was still feeling tired and that she wouldn't be much company. She suggested that they should leave tonight but promised she would call him if she needed him. She wasn't ready to face him yet, not while she was still so uncertain of what his reaction would be, now while she didn't even know what her own reaction was.

As scared as she still was, she was relieved to have someone to talk to about it. She wasn't excited yet, but she believed that she could be and that Elliot would be too. She knew he was feeding off of her mood, if she was excited he would be too. He'd been amazing today, rubbing her back as morning sickness surged through her and listening to her as she expressed her fears about telling Charlie.

There was a knock on the door, and she wondered if it was Elliot, she could do with some more time with him, he made the pregnancy seem normal, not as scary. She pulled open the door, standing still as she saw Charlie.

"I uh, I know you wanted some time but...something's not right and I just...I wanted to check you're okay-"

"Come in," she stepped to the side and invited him in.

He walked in slowly, nervously. "I'm sorry to just turn up but...I knew you'd just say no if I called." He'd thought about caling a few times, but he wanted to see her, to make sure she was okay.

"I...I wouldn't have-"

"You've been avoiding me all day, and if I've done something wrong then I'm sorry."

"You haven't," she told him, sitting with him as he sat on the sofa. "You haven't done anything wrong."

"Then talk to me," he moved his hand on top of hers. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Charlie," she took a deep breath. She didn't want to do this, she wasn't ready. "I..." she shook her head. She had to do it, like ripping a band aid off, that's what Elliot had said as he'd encouraged her to tell Charlie, he'd also promised that he would support her no matter what and she knew that he would but it didn't make this moment any less terrifying.

"Are you sick? The...the hospital-"

"No, no I'm not sick I..." she took a deep breath. "I don't know...how this happened, and I...this is hard." She watched the confused, worried look on his face and she knew that she was being unfair by prolonging it. "I'm pregnant..." she told him. The look on his face changed from confusion to utter surprise.

"W...what?" he asked, his hand slipping from hers.

"I...don't know how it happened, and I'm sorry-" she didn't know why she was apologising, but it seemed fitting. "I know that it hasn't been very long but it...must've happened the first time and I-"

"You're serious?" he interrupted her. She nodded slowly, waiting for his reaction, anger, happiness? "I uh...I can't say I expected this, you uh, that's why...yesterday?" he asked. Again she nodded. "I uh, I don't know what to say-" he stood up. Was he about to walk out? He looked at her, she was sat with her hands joined, nervously watching his every move. "What uh...what do you feel?" he asked.

"Scared," she whispered. He was really killing her with his unreadable actions, she had no idea what he was feeling. "Are you...what are you?"

"I'm...shocked, it's...it's not been very long...but I, I wouldn't want this with anyone else," he admitted, holding his hand out to hers and pulling her up off of the sofa, into his arms. "We uh, we're gonna be fine."

Hours later as they lay on the sofa Charlie placed his hand over Olivia's stomach.

"We're really gonna do this?" he asked, affirming everything they had spoken about. He had shocked her by telling her that he wanted the baby, that not having it was not an option for him. He'd promised to stick by her, promised that they could make it work.

She was scared when it was just a relationship with him, before the baby even came into the mix now she was terrified. In six short weeks she had gone from alone, to in a relationship and having a baby, it was slightly difficult to grasp but this was the situation she was in. Charlie hadn't walked away, he was actually excited, after the initial shock.

"You know that I care about you don't you?" he asked, kissing the top of her head. "This baby isn't something we expected but it's going to work for us, I can feel it."

He had reassured her and the fear in the pit of her stomach had shrunk to only the tiniest little shred, but it was still there. Charlie was a good man, an honourable man and she could imagine herself falling for him, she was already on the way to it but the little voice in the back of her mind reminded her that she was now on a timer. In 8 months, it had finally sunk in, they would have a baby. She was grateful for his reassurance but unable to shake the worry...

They had made love last night, softly, tenderly, almost lovingly. She was now 3 months pregnant and the morning sickness was easing. She and Charlie had shifted into a perfect routine and as much as she had worried it was actually going very well. He practically loved in her apartment, and she wasn't sick of him, in fact she looked forward to him coming home and missed him when he was gone, it had surprised her how much she'd grown attached to him.

They had agreed 6 weeks ago not to tell anyone and she didn't have the heart to tell him that she had already told Elliot so as far as Charlie knew, no one knew. Elliot hadn't been thrilled when she asked him to play dumb but he knew how he would've felt if Kathy had told another man about their baby before him so he agreed to play dumb, still keeping an eye on her with every case. The killer they had been hunting had struck once more, two weeks ago and they were all busy chasing leads whilst Elliot, Olivia, Much and Fin also had to deal with other cases.

Now, as Olivia watched Charlie and Fin laughing as they celebrated John's birthday in their usual bar she realised just how lucky she was. It had come a little sooner than she had expected but she was finally excited about becoming a mother, and she was happy with Charlie, everything was falling into place. She also had her best friend back.

"You okay over here?" speak of the devil...

"I'm good, just watching you men bonding." She smiled at her partner as he raised his eyebrows. "Thank you for trying."

"Anything for the mother of my future GodChild-"

"Elliot-" she rolled her eyes.

"Niece or nephew?"

"That's better, Uncle Elliot, has a certain ring to it huh?" she moved her hand to rest on her stomach. She still wasn't showing but she knew her baby was in there, so she liked to have her hand there, to let her baby know that was thinking about it.

"When are you telling people?" he asked, waiting for the day that he would no longer have to lie about knowing his friend's secret.

"Soon, I'm not quite ready. They don't even know about me and Charlie, I don't wanna give Cragen a heart attack."

He'd sat alone last night thinking about her, wondering if she was completely sure about the way her life was going. He knew her well enough to know that she would go along with what she thought was right despite how she felt. He'd wondered if she was still terrified, if that was why she was putting off telling people. He'd done a lot of soul searching since she told him that she and Charlie would be trying to make it work. He had expected Wallace to walk away, and if he was really honest, he'd hoped that he had. He still didn't like him, and he wasn't good enough for Olivia, if he'd walked away then it would of been just Olivia and Elliot and he would've done everything to help her but now...as he watched from the sidelines he wondered if he would be involved at all. He knew Olivia would want him there, despite Charlie but he didn't know if he could take it.

He wanted Olivia to be happy, he did. But he didn't expect it to hurt so much to watch her falling in love, getting the life she had always wanted. He had put it down to the fact that he didn't like Wallace for a long time, only truly accepting the real reason as he lay in bed struggling to think of what it was about Charlie that bothered him so much. Elliot had been jealous, jealous that Charlie was taking his partner away from him, his friend...but now, now he knew. This was the life that he had wanted, he wanted what Charlie Wallace had. He had promised himself that he would never tell her, never show her, that he would force himself to get over it and be the friend that she needed him to be but every time she mentioned the baby his heart sank a little further.

Elliot tapped his fingers on the bar as he waited for his next drink, drinking himself into oblivion seemed like a damn good idea know. He was a bad friend, he should want Olivia to be happy – he did. But he wanted her to be happy with him, not with Wallace.

"Can I get you a beer?" Wallace asked, resting his elbows on the bar just next to Elliot.

"Uh, I'm good, thanks."

"I...can I talk to you? Man to man?" Chalie asked, checking to make sure that Olivia was out of ear shot. "I know you don't like me Stabler." He didn't wait for a reply. "But, I think it's in everyone's best interests if we just put the bad blood aside, don't you agree?"

Elliot wanted to punch him, just one, sharp punch in the jaw, just one.

"I know you've been the only man in Olivia's life for a long time but...I'm here now and as great as you two are together, when you're not killing each other...we know three's a crowd."

Wow, Elliot thought, this guys was serious.

"What exactly are you saying?" Elliot asked, tightening his grip around the empty glass in front of him.

"She cares about you, you're her best friend and if we can't get along she's going to have to choose between us. She doesn't need the stress-"

"I know what she needs-"

"This doesn't have to be a bad thing Stabler, all I'm saying is we need to get along." He wasn't trying to be an asshole but he knew he was being one. He hated to admit that he preferred it when Elliot and Olivia were arguing, he didn't exactly feel threatened by Elliot but he knew that his friendship meant a lot to Olivia. She swore that they had never been anything other than friends but he could see the way that Stabler looked at her sometimes. He just needed to make some clear boundaries. "I uh, I shouldn't tell you this, she'll kill me but...we're having a baby."

Son of a bitch.

"And she'll need you there, of course she will but this is going to shift the balance a little and i don't want you to get left behind, so how about it?" he held his hand out to Elliot.

"You uh, you ask her if it was okay to tell me that?" Elliot kept his hand exactly where it was. He fought to keep the words '_I already knew'_ in his mouth knowing that Olivia would kill him.

"Stabler-"

"You wanna tell me to stay away from her, don't take the chicken shit way out-"

"That's not what this is-"

"Sure it is, you don't like how close we are? Well get used to it. I'm not going anywhere." He ignored the hand that was still outstretched to him and walked away.

Damnit. Wallace mentally kicked himself. He had intended to be nice, to be polite, to invite Elliot to a game but there was something about him, about the way he and Olivia interacted that he didn't like and as much as he'd just pissed the man off, if it meant he stayed away from Olivia outside of work it was worth it. He wasn't generally an insecure man, but he'd never witnessed a relationship like Elliot's and Olivia's and it overwhelmed him. Olivia was going to kill him for telling Elliot, but the man had to know when to back off. He would talk to Stabler again, try to make it right but until then he just wanted to spend time with the woman carrying his child, and whether Elliot Stabler liked it or not, that was what he was going to do...

**PLease take the time to review :D xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the delay with this and thank you to everyone who messaged to ask when it would be updated. The story is finished and ready to be uploaded, so let me know if you want more. It starts to get quite dark here, just to let you know. **

Olivia smiled as she picked up the small pink bag that had been placed on the kitchen counter just a few moments before. She knew that it was from Charlie. Two months ago she had told him that she was carrying his child and he had been the perfect father to be ever since. She reached into the bag, smiling as she felt the soft fabric against her fingers. She pulled the small baby grow out of the bag and her heart skipped a beat as she read the small writing along the side of the tiny piece of clothing.

"_I love my Mommy_"

She felt a strong pair of hands encircle her waist. She covered Charlie's hands with her own and brought them to rest on her now more obvious bump. He pressed his lips into the side of her forehead. "Do you like it?" he whispered, his hands roaming over the bump that he had grown to love in just a short amount of time.

"I love it, it's beautiful." She turned to him, cupping the sides of his face as she kissed him softly. "How did I find you huh?" she whispered, smiling as he pulled her towards him.

"You got lucky," he murmured against her lips, his hands roaming up and down her back.

"Oh, I did?"

"You did, you got to the front of a very long queue, very...very long." He slipped his hands underneath her T-Shirt, taking the time to caress her slightly rounded stomach. They had yet to tell anyone apart from Elliot about the baby and he liked having something that only they knew about. She was now nearly four months pregnant and she was beautiful, the real question was how did he find her?

She fought the shiver that was almost desperate to run down her spine as Charlie lightly dragged his fingers across her stomach, towards her breasts. Her hands travelled along his biceps, she loved his arms, they were one of her favourite things about him, along with his smile and his hands...the hands that were currently well on their way to making her very happy. He lifted her onto the kitchen counter, moving between her legs, capturing her lips with his own.

These were the moments he treasured with Olivia, kissing her, touching her, making love to her. She moaned into his mouth as he grabbed her ass and pulled her towards him, knowing that if it wasn't for their clothes he would've have been inside her there and then.

"Dammit," Charlie sighed, pulling away from Olivia as her phone rang. He knew exactly who it was and it took all of his strength not to take the phone and end the call.

"El," Olivia answered. "No, no, you weren't interrupting anything-" she gave Charlie an apologetic glance as she listened to Elliot give her the details of their latest case. "Okay, I'll be there in 10." She hung up and slipped off of the counter. "I'm sorry," she kissed Charlie on the lips, adjusting her clothes.

"Can't he call Munch or Fin? You're supposed to be taking it easy-"

"Elliot knows about the baby, he's been more than supportive. I can't ask him to call Fin or Munch when I'm on call, it's not fair." She'd been slightly surprised when Charlie had informed her that he had accidently told Elliot about the baby, angry, and surprised. He had explained that he was excited, and that he knew Elliot was a huge part of her life so he deserved to know. Of course he didn't know that she had already told him, but that really wasn't the point. She knew that Charlie had good intentions but if Elliot hadn't already known he would have blown a gasket.

She had tried to speak to Elliot, to find out more about the conversation with Charlie but he'd simply changed the subject. He had been the perfect partner since finding out about her pregnancy, a little over protective but she knew he would be. As much as they had grown closer there was still a barrier between them, he would try to hide his feeling for Charlie but she could practically see him tense up whenever his name was mentioned. She knew that her partner still did not like the man who was now practically living with her, she had hoped that if they spent some time together he would realise that he did like Charlie after all.

Charlie was no better, complaining whenever Elliot called. She was starting to wonder if she should just let them fight it out, lock them in a room and leave them to it but there was a strong chance that they would kill each other. She needed to talk to both of them before the baby came, this couldn't continue. She refused to be torn between her partner and the father of her child, she cared deeply for Charlie but Elliot was her best friend and she needed them both in her life. She knew that if she could just get them talking they would get on, they were so similar...

She frowned slightly, shaking her head as her last thought echoed through her mind.

"Come, on Stabler's a big boy-" Charlie started, he hated it when her partner called her out. It was her job yes, but Stabler could've called someone else, he just didn't want to. He had barely spoken to the other man since informing him of Olivia's pregnancy, he'd been a bastard, he knew that but he needed Elliot know that he was the father of her child, a big part of her life and that he wasn't going anywhere.

"No," she sighed, shaking him from his thoughts. "I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you." She winked at him, relieved as his frown formed into a smile.

"Be careful," he pressed his lips into the top of her head. "And tell Stabler to work on his shitty timing."

It had been a long night, Elliot and Olivia had sat through countless interviews in a he said/she said rape accusation. Olivia couldn't put her finger on it but there was something about the young woman's story that didn't add up, Elliot disagreed completely. Now as they sat with Carly for the third time in as many hours Olivia was struggling to calm the nausea that crept up on her from time to time.

"I told him no," Carly cried. "Why don't you believe me?"

"We do," Olivia told her softly, placing hand on her stomach as the nausea got worse. She thought it was supposed to get better after the three month mark.

"We do Carly," Elliot repeated, watching Olivia closely. Kathy had barely suffered from morning sickness, it was always over by the third month. "We do, we just need to hear exactly what happened, anything more you can tell us could really help, even if it seems insignificant."

"He..." she looked up at Elliot. "He said 'You're just like her'"

"Her?" Olivia asked, gently stroking her stomach under the table knowing that no one could see, with no idea when she had started seeking comfort in the tiny bump.

"His ex girlfriend, they had a...messy breakup I...I didn't know why. Do you think..." She trailed off, looking Olivia directly in the eye before saying, "I'm not lying." The way her bottom lip quivered made Olivia wonder if maybe she had been wrong, her instincts were very rarely wrong but she was willing to give Carly a chance, just in case.

"Okay do you have a name?" Elliot asked. Within a few minutes they had a name and address and told Carly that they would give her a lift home, Elliot felt that she had had enough for the night and Olivia sympathised.

"I want you to come for dinner tonight," Olivia spoke softly. They had been driving for a few minutes, discussing the details of the case. She watched his jaw tense as he concentrated on driving, was he pretending he hadn't heard her? "El-"

"Liv, let's not do this now." They had been pretending, ignoring the very obvious tension between the Elliot and Charlie and it was only the fact that they were ignoring it that had prevented Elliot from really speaking his mind.

She knew how he felt, she'd tried to pretend that it would work out but she knew that she needed to try and make it better before the baby came. "El, we're going to have to-"

"You don't wanna hear what I have to say..." he didn't want to do this, he couldn't tell her how he felt about the man she was going to be attached to whether she liked it or not, for the rest of her life.

"Please, just try-"

"I've tried Liv, I have and...I don't want to argue with you about this, but we're never going to get along."

There was a brief silence.

"So how is this going to work? You'll only come to see me and the baby if Charlie isn't there?" she asked, praying that wouldn't be the case. Whenever she had imagined herself having children Elliot had had a very substantial role in their lives...she needed him, couldn't he see that?

"He doesn't want me there-" he shook his head, knowing that the other man would love it if Elliot disappeared from Olivia's life all together.

"I do, and you're as important to me-"

"Don't you think that's odd?" he shot, fed up of trying not to insult the father of her child. "This isn't a three person relationship Liv, it's you and Charlie...You, Charlie and the baby. This isn't an equal fight, you're pregnant with his god dammed child. Just..." he lowered his voice. "Concentrate on keeping him happy."

He sighed, he hadn't meant to snap at her, but she had to know that it was never going to work? They were never going to be buddies, Charlie wanted Elliot out of Olivia's life and Elliot knew he would have to fight a hard to fight to have any sort of role on the baby's life. He also knew then when it came down to it, she would choose Charlie over him, for the baby if no other reason, which is why he didn't want to face the issue at hand, knowing who she would choose if she was forced to. It was easier to stay away from Charlie and value the little time he had with his partner.

She didn't say a word for the rest of the journey.

3 months later

Olivia sat at her desk, wading through piles of paper work, attempting still to find some form of link between all of the victims of the killer they had been hunting. The murderer had stayed in New York, he had not followed his usual trend of moving on after 6 months, something that both confused and worried Olivia. This killer had stuck to a strict regime, why was he changing it now? He was making what seemed like carless mistakes but Olivia feared it was all a part of a bigger plan, one she feared may include her team.

She had been to visit Joseph, the only child who had survived the monster, a number of times. He was now with a loving family, and she could barely see the scar on his forehead from a particularly nasty blow from his attacker. He had been more than a little confused by her ever growing stomach, too young to understand the concept of why she was so huge.

It hadn't been until she reached five months that she really started to show, and now at nearly 7 months she was undeniably massive. Charlie constantly told her that she was smaller than his ex wife had been with Lisa but she didn't actually mind, she loved being pregnant, she'd accepted the nausea which hadn't gone away and the tiredness, it was all a part of the baby inside of her, the baby she loved more than she ever thought possible. She lay awake at night simply stroking her stomach, wondering if her child knew how much it would be loved? She always knew that she would adapt to motherhood relatively easily, of course she had the little voice in her head that frightened her at times, but she was born to be a mother.

Telling Cragen had been more than a little awkward, especially when he had informed her that she and Elliot could no longer be partners because of the baby. It had taken her a little time to realise that he thought Elliot had fathered her baby, after explaining to hi that Elliot was not, in fact the father of her unborn child the apology that followed made everything just a little more uncomfortable. Cragen had been surprised, but supportive, telling her that she could continue to work until she was 7 months, at which time she could still work but only in the station, not with perps but with victims until she was ready to have the baby.

Cragen, Much and Fin had all slowly adjusted to the idea of her pregnancy and relationship with Charlie but Elliot had still to budge. He had been amazing for the first half of the pregnancy, rubbing her back to try to ease the morning sickness and constantly reminding her that it would all be worth it in the end, for a shirt while she had her partner back. She'd been unable to shake the smile on her face when she found a pink bag on her desk with a tiny white vest with the words "_If you think I'm cute, you should see my mom" _on it. It was just one of the few surprises Elliot had left on her desk for the baby, his support had meant everything.

Elliot had been there when the baby first kicked, she'd been about to sit on her desk when she froze and grasped her stomach in surprise, within seconds Elliot was by her side.

"_Liv? You okay?" he asked, his face full of concern. He placed a soft hand on her arm as she looked up at him with wide eyes._

"_It kicked?" she asked, unsure if that was what she had felt. It was like a butterfly was flying in her stomach, she placed her hand over the spot where she had felt it, completely overwhelmed._

_Elliot couldn't hide the grin, he loved watching her as she experienced new things nearly every day. "You okay?" he rubbed his thumb along her arm._

"_Feel it?" she grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach, a move that shocked them both. He swallowed the lump in his throat as she held her hand on top of his waiting for the baby to kick again. She was literally amazed as the baby kicked again, "Did you feel it?" she asked, her eyes wide with excitement._

"_I felt it," he smiled. "That's quite a kick, you may have a soccer player in there."_

_Neither one of them moved, she kept his hand in place with her own happy to stay and wait for another kick and to share it with him. This was perfect..._

"_What...what's going on?"_

_They both turned to see Charlie and she let go of his hand quickly, a look of guilt on her face as if Charlie had found them doing anything other than innocently feeling the baby kick._

"_The...the baby kicked," she told him._

_Elliot didn't even have the time to step out of the way as Charlie made his way to Olivia._

"_Really?" he asked, eyes wide. He practically pushed Elliot out of the way as her placed his hands on Olivia's stomach._

_Elliot forced a smile as Olivia gave him an apologetic smile. He walked back to his desk hoping he didn't have to sit and watch Charlie and Olivia playing happy families. Of course he wanted his partner to be happy but he still seriously doubted that Charlie would be the one to make her happy and give her everything she deserved._

_He had tried to get on with the other man, but Charlie could not hide the fact that he didn't want Olivia around Elliot. Something which infuriated Elliot, he was her partner for nearly 9 years and all of a sudden in the space of 6 months he'd been completely pushed out. He sighed, he had to try just a little bit harder, for Olivia's sake..._

It wasn't until a month later when everything really changed, the tension between Charlie and Elliot had been building and no matter which one of the two men she spoke to, she couldn't get through to either of them. They both insisted that everything was fine, that they were getting on nicely and that everything was going to be perfect when the baby came but she wasn't stupid and as much as she wished she hadn't been, she was right...

_Charlie reached for another beer, the sixth one in just two hours, as Elliot and Olivia sat in her apartment at the dinner table talking about Stabler's children, a conversation he was not a part of._

"_So what's he like?" Olivia asked, scooping the last bit of ice cream from his plate onto hers, a move not unnoticed by Charlie._ _"Do you hate him?" she asked of Maureen's latest boyfriend, raising her eyebrows._

"_Hate...no, that's too strong a word but uh, there's a chance we may have to have a father to boyfriend chat-" he smiled, raising the beer bottle to his lips._

"_Just keep your gun well hidden okay?" she teased, knowing how protective he was over his children. Elliot was a fantastic father, despite the guilt he felt at missing so many milestones in his children's lives._

"_Just wait, you'll understand..." he grinned, she was going to be an amazing mother. "then I'll be lending my gun to Charlie, right?" he turned to the other man. It physically hurt, making such an effort with the man who was such an ass but he'd realised only way. Not being a part of Olivia and the baby's life was not an option._

"_I've got my own gun Stabler, but thanks." He didn't even try to hide the hostility in his voice. All night Olivia had been practically ignoring him falling over herself to talk to Stabler, he may as well have not even been there._

_Olivia turned to Charlie, trying to hide the frown. She had hoped that he understood exactly how uncomfortable Elliot felt and would try and make it a little easier for him, no such luck. She still couldn't get to the bottom of the two men's dislike for each other but at least they were trying, and up until this moment it had been going pretty well._

"_Right..." Elliot pursed his lips, he wouldn't say a thing...not a thing...nothing._

"_Charlie-"_

"_It's getting kind of late don't you think?" Charlie asked, a little too harshly for Elliot's liking._

"_You know what," Elliot started, he'd had enough. "I won't be offended if you wanna go to bed me and Liv can clear up, I'm sure we'll be okay if you want to call it a night," his tone was almost daring, teasing, taunting._

_Olivia watched as Charlie's jaw tensed, why was it so difficult for him to just get on with Elliot, Elliot was trying, she could see how hard he was trying and yet he was getting nowhere. She knew that Charlie found it hard to accept how close Elliot and she were but she had told him so many times that he had nothing to worry about. He'd once asked if she'd ever slept with him and she's answered honestly, he dropped the conversation there and then._

"_You don't think maybe Liv wants to go to sleep?" Charlie asked, through gritted teeth._

"_Charlie-" she started, only to be cut off._

"_I think that if Liv wants to go to bed she'll tell me, that's what so great about our relationship," he smiled, knowing exactly how much he was pissing Charlie off._

"_El," Olivia stood up, placing her hand over her stomach, knowing both men were dangerously close to pouncing on each other._

"_Relationship...that's what you call this? In case you didn't notice she's in a relationship-" he clenched his fists, who the hell did Stabler think he was. Olivia was his girlfriend, pregnant with his baby but Stabler just couldn't let her go._

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Elliot spat, pushing his chair aside as both men walked towards each other._

"_You know exactly what it means, you can't stand the thought of her with anyone but you-"_

"_Charlie!" Olivia stepped in between the two men, hoping she wouldn't be hit this time."That's enough," she warned, watching as Elliot's chest heaved as he struggled to contain his anger._

"_He's in love with you!" Charlie shouted angrily. How could she not see it?_

_His words hit her, hard. Elliot was...no, there was no way. She turned to her partner, watching as he swallowed and shook his head._

"_Liv," he started, his voice suddenly half its original volume._

"_He can't take it that you're with me, that you're happy! What kind of a friend is he-" Charlie asked, looking Olivia right in the eye._

"_Screw you, you son of a bitch I've tried! You hate the thought of her being closer to me than she is to you, you can't take that! Is that why you told me about the baby? Told me to stay away from her?" Elliot yelled, unable to contain his anger. He was shaking, the urge to take Wallace out with one punch dangerously close to overwhelming him._

_Olivia turned to Charlie, with a look of complete horror in her eyes._

"_There isn't room for three of us in this relationship, you need to back off-"_

"_You don't deserve her Wallace, you're nowhere near good enough for her and I've had enough of pretending that you are!"_

"_Elliot-" Olivia put her hands on his chest, struggling to calm him down._

"_No! No, I can't do this, I can't sit here and watch this guy...I tried Liv, I promise you I tried but I can't do this, not with you, not with him." He didn't give her a chance to respond as he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the door behind him._

_He was physically shaking as he raised yet another bottle to his lips, Wallace' words racing through his mind over and over again._

"_You're in love with her!"_

_The look in her eyes...she was...horrified. He never thought he would see that look in her eyes, and he never wanted to again. He couldn't keep doing it, fighting for every minute of time he got with her and then dealing with Wallace' mood swings after, it was too hard. He'd promised that he wouldn't fight Wallace, that he'd just ignore him, knowing that if he forced Olivia to choose she'd have no choice but to choose Wallace. He hadn't been ready to lose her, but now...now he wasn't sure if he could carry on pretending that everything was okay when it nearly killed him every time he saw Charlie touching Olivia._

_The baby, he could handle. Olivia deserved to be a mother, she would be excellent with or without anyone by her side, he just hated the thought of her being stuck with Wallace for the rest of her life...the thought that as long as Wallace was around there was no room for him anymore. Was she even happy with Wallace, did she love him? It physically hurt as he wondered exactly how his partner felt about the other man. The man who wouldn't allow Elliot to be anything more than a partner to the woman he cared about more than anyone else..._

"_You think that's a good idea?"_

_He turned to see Olivia, how the hell had she gotten into his apartment? He was drunk, but not drunk enough not to hear someone at the door._

"_You left your door open," she told him. Jesus, she even knew what he was thinking._

"_Liv, go home-" his eyes drifted to her stomach. She was so beautiful; the pregnancy glow had only accentuated her natural beauty. She placed a hand on her stomach, rubbing her thumb along her bump._

"_You're drunk?" she asked, he'd only left her apartment 90 minutes ago._

"_I'm drunk." What did she want him to say? "I hate him." The words were out of his mouth before he even had time to think._

_He watched as her shoulders dropped, as if he'd physically hurt her. "I'm sorry. I can't lie to you, I...I'm sorry," he slurred, the alcohol giving him the nerve to tell her what he'd wanted to for so long._

"_What do you want me to do? Leave him because you say so?" she asked, her bottom lip quivering slightly. "Don't...don't make me choose Elliot."_

"_I didn't – he did this," he shook his head, the son of a bitch. He knew that it would eventually come to this point; he'd tried to put it off for as long as he could. He'd thought about fighting, begging her to choose him and stay away from Charlie and without the baby...he may have won, but now there was no chance. In that moment he realised what he had to do, stop fighting._

"_I can't choose," she sounded so defeated. Charlie was in her life, there was no way around it, he was the father of her child. She closed her eyes, it wasn't that she didn't love Charlie, she did, but she hated that he was so insecure when it came to Elliot. She couldn't stand the thought of the two men still bickering when the baby came, she knew it wouldn't work and something had t give but she desperately didn't want it to be Elliot._

"_Then don't, go home to the father of your baby." He turned his back to her, hating himself, knowing that he was hurting her but it had to be this way, she'd understand, by the time the baby came she wouldn't even have time to think about him._

"_Elliot-"_

"_You're my friend, nothing more."_

_His words stung. She swallowed the lump in her throat._

"_I'm...you don't have to choose, I'm taking myself out of the equation."_

"_You don't have-" she started._

"_Yes, I do." He swung around to face her. "I'm the only thing in the way of your perfect life-"_

"_You're my best friend," she blinked back the tears. "But I don't know what to do," she whispered._

"_You were always going to settle down, it was always going to come to this. There's...there's no room for me now Liv, you know I'm right," it nearly killed him as he watched a tear slip down her cheek. "I wish it could've been different, maybe...if you give Charlie...time?" he shook his head. "I'll always be your partner, but uh, I have to take a step back...I need my own life, we rely on each other too much. Kathy couldn't take it, I won't let you go through what I did."_

"_El..." did he really mean that? Kathy left because of her? She looked at him, he looked so broken, this was killing her. She desperately wanted to tell him that it would be okay but she didn't see how it would._

"_This is your chance of happiness, I'm not going to get in the way of it. I...I need to take a step back." He watched as she frowned, nodding slowly._

"_I'm...I'll see you at work?" she asked, it came out a little quieter than she had intended. She didn't know what Elliot meant by taking himself out of the equation, how could they pretend not to be friends? Is that what he wanted? She hated that she had to give him up but she didn't have choice. Charlie and Elliot were close to killing each other every time they were in the same room and she wouldn't have her baby around that._

"_If you...if you need anything, you come to me. I don't care what it is, I'm still your friend...just...taking a backseat role." He forced a smile. "We just...we only work when we're both single and miserable," another forced smile. He watched as she simply nodded, unable to speak, and left._

Since that night she and Elliot had barely spoken. She'd been working with Fin, following any leads on the killer and Elliot worked with Munch. She wasn't sure if Elliot had requested it but she was almost grateful, when they were together it was as if that night had never happened. He'd ask about the baby, swoon a little at times when she told him about the newest sonogram or the way she wanted to decorate the baby's room, but these conversations were rare. She missed him. She was happy with Charlie, despite the way that he acted towards Elliot, she almost understood why, they were close...too close. She now understood how Kathy must have felt all those years...and she felt guilty, guilty that she had kept Elliot from her so often.

She was shaken from her thoughts as her cell phone rang.

"Benson."

"Detective Benson?" A male voice asked.

"This is Detective Benson," she sat up slightly.

"I'm Mike Thomas, I was given your number by my neighbour...Rachel Wilson?" The name wasn't familiar. "You spoke to her a few months ago about her boyfriend...he was abusing her. You gave her your card?"

"Is she okay?" Olivia asked, struggling to place Rachel Wilson.

"She's fine, she uh, she left him. She's been staying with me and she's just told me she wants to go back...I was wondering if you could come and talk to her? I don't want her to get hurt." The man sounded genuinely concerned.

"Of course, of course I can. What's your address?" Within minutes she was ready to leave, hoping that helping Rachel Wilson would help her to think of anything but Elliot.

_3 weeks later_

Olivia stood in the doorway of her spare room, staring at the brand new furniture that was now in place of the unopened boxes and unused furniture that she had simply disguarded when she'd first moved in. She hadn't wanted to begin decorating the baby's room until she was a little further along but Charlie had insisted. The rocking chair in the corner of the room was her favourite thing in the whole room, the tiny teddy on top a present from Elliot. It was one of the last things he had bought the baby before agreeing to take a step back, to give her and Charlie a fighting chance. Charlie had been almost the perfect boyfriend since the disastrous dinner with Elliot, working hard to finish the baby's room. She hadn't had the heart to tell him that she hated the colours he had chosen, yellow and brown...It just wasn't what she had dreamt of. She'd wanted white, and then when she had the baby, and knew the sex to add pink or blue accessories. Charlie had done a great job, he'd worked very hard and she thought she would get used to it.

It had been exactly 3 weeks since she had taken the call from Mike Thomas, three weeks since she'd taken the long car journey to help Rachel Wilson, and for three weeks since she had come face to face with the monster she had been hunting for 7 months...

_Something wasn't right...She knocked on the door for the third time, she pulled her hand away as she heard the lock clicking. Then nothing. She knocked again, frowning when the door opened slightly._

"_Mike?" she called. Her hand travelled towards her gun, she wondered if Rachel's boyfriend had turned up? If he had hurt Rachel or Mike? If he was still there? "Rachel?" she walked further into the house, it was dark and she had to squint to see anything. She searched along the wall to find a light switch. She walked past what she assumed was the living room, slowly walking in, scanning the room. Nothing._

_She was about to exit the room when she felt a sharp pain in the back of her neck within seconds everything went dark and she felt herself falling to the floor..._

"What are you doing?"

She turned from the crib in front of her to Charlie, who was stood where she had been just a few hours before. She turned back crib, it was in pieces in front of her, she had her screwdriver in her hand and she was ready.

"I just wanted to get this done," she told him. She'd been intending to sort the crib for weeks, it was only now that she felt physically well enough to do it.

"I said I'd do it, sorry I should've done it...I know you wanted it done." He walked in and sat next to her, taking the screw driver from her hands as she sat among the different parts of wood that would make up the crib.

"Thank you." She didn't move from where she was sat, watching as Charlie began the job he had been promising to do for weeks.

_She could barely open her eyes, her head was pounding. It had taken only seconds for her to realise that she'd been handcuffed, no doubt with her own handcuffs. She struggled to remember where she was...Mike Thomas...Rachel Wilson...pain...She pulled against the handcuffs that had tied the to the wooden chair, there was no chance she was getting out of them. She wanted to run her hand along her stomach, to press against the baby and feel him or her kick back, had she fallen on her stomach? As she regained full consciousness thoughts of her baby raced through her mind and the panic set it._

"_Welcome back." The deep voice spoke, shaking her from her panic. He was stood behind her, she couldn't see him which scared her even more._

"_Mi...Mike?" she asked, trying to sound as calm as she possibly could. Her baby wasn't moving, hadn't moved in the few minutes since she had woken up and it was terrifying her. Just a little kick, please, she silently begged._

"_No...not Mike." The man stepped in front of her, she couldn't see his face because of the darkness of the room, she could only make out his silhouette. The man cocked his head to the side, she didn't have to see him to know that he was looking her up and down._

"_I'm...I'm detective Benson, special victims unit and this..." she took a deep breath. "This is a very bad idea-"_

"_I know who you are Olivia, I have to say I'm a little disappointed you don't know me?"_

_She could hear the smile in his voice. She closed her eyes, praying again for any sign that her baby wasn't harmed when she fell to the floor. "What's your name?" she asked, trying to sound as friendly as she could, but unable to hide the fear in her voice._

"_You haven't given me a name..."_

_She frowned, you haven't given me a name? She swallowed the lump in her throat as the man took a step closer to her._

"_Come on Olivia, you've been wanting to meet me for 7 months..." as he spoke fear seeped into her every nerve. "Well here I am..."_

Charlie watched as Olivia slept on the sofa, she had hardly slept at all in the past three weeks. Nightmares interrupting any chance of a decent night's sleep, her screams would haunt him for the rest of his life. He turned back into the baby's room, sinking to his knees slowly, ready to continue working on the crib, hoping that Olivia would get more than an hours sleep before the nightmares took over.

_Charlie sat at Much's desk, he'd been waiting for Olivia for over an hour and a half. They'd made plans to look at strollers today, he wanted to have everything sorted before the baby was due. Lisa had been 5 weeks early, she was perfectly healthy but he and his wife weren't prepared at all, he didn't want the mad dashes to the baby stores again, he wanted everything ready by the time the baby was on its way._

_There was one thing he had to do before then, something that had been playing on his mind for weeks. He had done nothing but fight with Elliot Stabler since his very first day in the Manhattan Svu and as much as he disliked the man, he was hurting the woman he loved by keeping her away from him. However much he thought Stabler had feeling for Olivia, he was convinced that the feeling he ha dno doubt Olivia once had for Elliot were replaced by her feelings for him, and their baby, he trusted her one hundred percent and he wanted to make things right._

_He and Olivia had been lying in bed after making love when she asked again about Lisa, they had spoken for hours about his little girl and he loved her for wanting to know. He then asked about her mother, and although hesitant, she answered his questions. The conversation then changed to hardest case, his of course had been the one that they were on now but she had taken a deep breath and told him about Gitano, and about everything that had happened because of him. She felt him tense against her as she described the moment when Gitano nearly slit her throat and then as she sadly explained that Ryan had died because Elliot ran to her. He finally understood how deep their relationship went._

_He had been so blinded by jealousy that he wasn't thinking about what was best for Olivia, and in the few weeks that Elliot hadn't been around he realised exactly what she was willing to give up for him. She had been terrified when she first told him of the baby, he had literally come into her life and turned everything around, he couldn't take her best friend away from her as well._

_Just at that moment Elliot walked through the doors, he took one look at Charlie before picking up a file on his desk and heading towards the crib._

"_Stabler..." Charlie called, swallowing his pride._

_Elliot turned to face Wallace without saying a word._

"_Uh, I wanted to apologise...I, I was uneasy with the idea of you and Liv being so close and I acted like a jerk. I want...I need us to get along."_

"_What's changed?" Elliot asked, not an ounce of emotion in his voice. "You finally got what you wanted-"_

"_You're Liv's best friend, it's taken me a while to realise that that's all it is. When the baby comes, you'll be the one she'll need when she needs some space from me and the baby, she'll need you. And I can't take that away from her, I can learn to deal with whatever issues I have-"_

"_Wallace-"_

"_Charlie," he corrected. He smiled softly as Elliot looked at him with a frown. "Liv told me about Gitano, I've...I've never really worked with a partner so I guess I didn't understand the relationship...and you did try, I was an ass and I'm sorry. Let me make it right?" he held his hand out to Elliot, genuinely not knowing if the man would shake his hand or punch him._

_Elliot looked at him for a few moments, wondering if he was being genuine. "If you're going to change your mind-"_

"_I'm not, Liv...she wants you to be a part of the baby's life...I've seen the clothes and the teddies...thank you." He took a deep breath. "I want you to be a part of our baby's life Stabler," he never thought he would say those words._

_Elliot reached out and shook Charlie's hand. "Thank you, it uh, it means a lot to me. I know...I know that it's hard, my wife found it...she found it really hard but I know where i stand, I just wanted the chance to be there when she needs me."_

"_You've got it, anytime. I just want Liv to be happy, that's all that matters now."_

_"Good," Elliot trailed off. There was a moment of awkward silence as Elliot pulled his hand away. They were never going to be best friends but finally Elliot thought, this could work._

_Olivia cried out as the man in front of her grabbed her by the throat, she struggled to pull her hands from the handcuffs but there was no hope. The darkness of the room made everything more frightening. She had no idea where he was in the room unless he spoke, and she couldn't see him move._

_"Can you feel...the life...draining out of you?" he whispered in her ear before letting go._

_She gasped for breath, utterly terrified, knowing exactly what the evil in front of her was capable of doing._

"_Why?" she whispered, unsure if it was the fear or pain in her head that was stopping her from screaming at for help. Would anyone even hear her? The bastard had chosen an abandoned area, she should've realised when she drove along the street that she hadn't seen anyone._

"_Why? That's a good question, one I don't intend on answering."_

"_What are you going to do to me?" her voice shook, she couldn't help it. She closed her eyes, yet again, praying that her baby was okay, that no matter what he did to her the baby would survive. She hadn't felt her child kick since she'd woken up and she was almost sick every time she wondered if her baby had been harmed by the fall to the floor. Without a hint of warning she was suddenly hit so hard in the face that the chair fell to the side, leaving her lying on the floor still handcuffed to the chair. The last thing she felt as she felt the darkness dragging her in was her baby, kicking, letting her know that it was still there and still fighting._

"_I'm getting worried, I am. She's never late, I've called her cell and it's switched off." Charlie paced the floor, shaking his head as he struggled to think of any reason that she hadn't been in touch. Something was wrong, he knew it._

_Cragen, Munch and Fin all shared worried glances knowing he was right. No one had heard from or seen Olivia for nearly four hours_

"_Calm down," Elliot told him, fighting the fear that was gradually building in the pit of his stomach. He was right, Olivia never went off the radar, she always had her phone switched on, but he didn't want to panic Charlie even more. "The uh, the tracker in her car?" he turned to Cragen._

"_I'll get on it." He quickly walked into his office._

"_Hold on," Charlie breathed a sigh of relief as he cell began to ring and name "Olivia" popped up._

"_Babe, where are you everyone's going-" his heart stopped as he heard the male voice on the phone._

"_Detective Benson is dead." The words hit him like a bullet though his heart._

"_Wh...who is this?" he struggled to breathe, to even see straight. He didn't even realise that the phone line had gone dead until Elliot pulled the phone from his ear._

"_Who was it? What did they say?" he asked, trying to pull Charlie out of his trance. "Charlie!"_

"_He said...she's dead." He looked up at Elliot, tears filling his eyes."She's...she's dead."_

"_What?" Elliot asked, snatching the phone from Charlie's hands and redialling Liv's cell. No answer._

"_Elliot-" Fin started, unsure of what to say. "I'll...I'll see if Cragen has her location. This could be a hoax." Fin walked towards Cragens' office, unsure of what else he could do._

"_It's not," Charlie shook his head. Unable to pull himself out of his daze, she was dead...dead._

"_Don't...don't." Elliot held his hands up, millions of thoughts racing through his head. He needed to find her._

_Cragen had traced the car. Elliot drove, unable to think straight, unable to accept what Wallace had been told. Cragen sat across from him, neither man had said a word. Elliot was terrified as to what they were going to find when they reached their destination and he'd done nothing but pray and push any negative thought out of his head, despite the fact that his heart was racing and his palms were sweating. He couldn't thing, for even a second, that this was any more than a hoax, than a joke gone wrong, there was just no way she was dead._

When they'd found her she was lying face down on the ground, Elliot had gone on first but Charlie was close behind. Now, as he watched her sleep he struggled to shake the fear that still enveloped him at times, remembering how he felt when Elliot uncuffed her and felt for a pulse, Charlie had already convinced himself that she was dead, something he now felt immensely guilty about.

He hadn't slept for days, he'd been unable to shake the imaged of her lying on the ground and unable to shake the immense fear that had taken over him when he thought she'd been killed. When it wasn't his own nightmares that had kept him awake it was hers, he just wanted to make them go away, for her to be able to have one night where she didn't wake up in tears or screaming.

When Elliot had confirmed her pulse he dropped to his knees, brushing the hair from her face as Elliot held her in his arms. She was so pale and there was blood oozing from a wound the back of her head, and he just kept begging.

"_Please let her be alright, please."_

Olivia moaned in her sleep, something Charlie knew as the beginning of one of her nightmares. He travelled to the sink and poured her some water, ready for when she woke. He sat across from her watching as she frowned and twisted slightly in her sleep, he closed his eyes, silently praying that the woman he loved would eventually be okay.

"_I'm okay," she whispered, threading her fingers through Charlie's as he ran his free hand through her hair. She'd woken up in the ambulance, and now as she lay in the hospital bed with her best friend and boyfriend around her after giving her statement she knew that she was lucky to be alive. The killer had beaten her, a method he'd used on his younger victims, but he had let her live, on purpose. This had been a warning, a warning to stop looking for him, to stop hunting him._

"_We're gonna get this son of a bitch okay?" Elliot asked, stepping forward and gently kissing the side of her face that wasn't covered by a harsh purple swirl. "And uh, you take it easy in there." He placed a soft hand on her stomach._

_She had been so relieved when the sonogram picked up her child's heartbeat. She had been terrified when she hadn't felt him or her kick until the very last moments of her conscious captivity, her mind was now at ease. She'd asked them to leave the sonogram attached so that she could hear her baby's heartbeat for just a little while longer and for 2 hours while her colleagues were out chasing leads and Charlie was at home finding her comfortable clothes, it was all she heard. It was so beautiful, and she'd never been more grateful._

_Knowing how lucky she was to be alive only just slightly overshadowed the fear that she felt every time she closed her eyes, when the darkness enveloped her and she was back in the room._

"_Are you ready to go?" Charlie asked softly, pressing his lips into her hair._

"_Yeah, I'm ready." She sat up, ignoring the pain in her ribs._

"_Can you take her home?" Charlie surprised both Elliot and Olivia by asking him to take her home._

"_Uh, sure." Elliot nodded, watching as Olivia frowned._

"_Where are you going?" she asked, softly. She was exhausted, she just wanted to go home and get into bed, for Charlie to hold her and make her feel safe._

"_I'm gonna find this guy," again he place a soft kiss onto her head._

"_You can take Liv home, I'll-"_

"_No, I'm gonna find this bastard. I'm gonna find him," he clenched his fists. The monster they were hunting had already stolen his daughter from him and today he nearly stole Olivia and their baby, he had t find him, to stop him. The bastard wouldn't hurt anyone he loved again. "So you can take her home?" he asked Elliot, silently thanking him with a nod. "I'll be home before you know it-"_

"_Charlie-" she started._

"_I'll be back before you know it." He repeated, bending down and kissing her stomach, before kissing her softly on the lips and walking out._

She'd been awake for nearly ten minutes and her heart was still racing. The dreams got worse every time and she didn't know how much more she could take. Olivia stood up slowly and walked in to the baby's bedroom, she picked up the teddy that Elliot had bought her child and held it close to her chest as she sat in the rocking chair...

_It had been three days, three days since she'd left the hospital and three days since she had last seen Charlie. She'd heard from him nearly every hour but he refused to come home until he'd found a clear lead. Exactly 18 hours ago she had begged him to come home, trying not to cry after her first nightmare about what had happened, he had simply told that he would come home, when he had something solid, he said it was to keep her safe._

_Elliot had stayed with her for the first 24 hours, he'd been amazing, explaining that he and Charlie were now friends and that everything was going to be fine from now on and promising that he wouldn't let anything happen to her or her baby. He made her feel so secure, so safe, it was a relief to have him by her side. She hadn't even felt embarrassed when she woke up on the sofa with her head resting on his shoulder, his arm was firmly wrapped around her as he slept too, she simply cuddled back into him, placing a hand over her rounded stomach and went back to sleep._

_It wasn't until he left, after she had insisted that she would be okay, that she realised how close she had come to losing her life and that was when the panic began to set in. She couldn't call Elliot and tell him to come back, she knew he'd been exhausted and needed to sleep so she simply curled up on the sofa and watched old re runs of her favourite show._

_Now, she'd been alone for 48 hours and she couldn't take it any longer._

"_Charlie," she spoke into her phone._

"_Babe, you okay?" he asked, sat in his car driving to a potential new lead, he was not going to let the bastard get away this time._

"_I need you to come home now, please?"_

"_Are you okay? Is something wrong with the baby?" she could hear the panic in his voice._

"_No...I'm fine I just...you've been gone for three days and I need you to come home," she spoke softly, tears threatening to appear at anytime._

"_Liv, I may have something on this guy-" he sounded almost excited._

"_You won't find him unless he wants you to Charlie!" she yelled, angry at his obsession with this man. Of course she understood but he had left her in the hospital and not come home once since._

"_You want me to just let him get away with attacking you?" he asked, didn't she understand what he was doing?_

"_No! No, of course I don't but I-"_

"_I'm gonna get this guy, if it's the last thing I do Liv, I'm gonna get him. This is about keeping you safe, you and the baby okay? Call Stabler, he'll stay with you? Or Fin, or Munch?"_

_They weren't the father of her child. She wanted the father of her baby to come home, just to check that she was okay, to understand that she was scared and needed to be held._

"_Please, come home," a tear slipped down her cheek, the harsh purple bruise still visible on the side of her cheek. "Please."_

"_I'm sorry, I have to get him Liv. I have to get him. I...I'll call you soon okay-"_

"_Don't hang up-" she didn't even have time to finish her sentence when the line went dead. More tears appeared as she struggled to hold it together. She looked down as her phone began to ring, maybe Charlie had changed his mind? She sniffed as Elliot's name popped up on her screen._

"_Hey," she spoke quietly, hoping he wouldn't realise she'd been crying._

"_Hey, you okay?" he sounded concerned._

"_Yeah, Yeah I'm okay," she lied, wiping her eyes as she spoke._

"_I'm on my way over, hope you don't mind? I'm bringing food and that John Stamos film that you like," he told her._

_She smiled, he really was her best friend. "Thank you El," she whispered as more tears slipped down her cheeks. "Just...hurry?" she asked, hating how vulnerable she sounded._

"_I'm two minutes away okay? I'll see you soon."_

"_Okay," she hung up and walked towards the toilet, stopping as she felt a stabbing pain in her abdomen. "Oh," she grasped her stomach as pain rippled through her body. She reached for the door frame as support when another wave of pain practically crippled her. "No, no, no please..." she whimpered as she sank to her knees, the pain becoming so intense that she could barely breathe. "Please..."_

Olivia held the gazed around the room as she gently rocked herself backwards and forwards on the rocking chair. The crib was now completely dismantled after only being up for four weeks, the baby clothes were neatly backed into bags, and the toys and teddies stacked in the corner. She held on tightly to the teddy that Elliot had bought, smelling it, this was what she'd imagined her daughter would have smelt like, fresh and new.

Just weeks ago her daughter had been safely cocooned in her rounded stomach, now she had nothing left to caress. She placed her hand over her now, almost flat stomach as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

**Would love to hear what you think x x **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews, you guys amaze me!**

**I'm sorry for any mistakes i wrote this at stupid O'clock as always.**

**Warning: This chapter contains scenes of a very sensitive nature and I really do not want to upset anyone or trigger anything. You know what the last chapter is about and i really don't want people to be upset or angry so please bare in mind what happened in the last chapter and know what will follow on. x**

She couldn't sleep.

She had no idea what time it was, no idea how long she'd been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, the unrelenting heavy hearted pressure in her chest making it virtually impossible to do anything apart from just lie there. She closed her eyes as she felt Charlie shifting next to her, she had no idea why she was pretending to be asleep, just that she didn't feel like talking...she didn't feel like doing anything, she just wanted to lie...to lie and stare at the ceiling.

Her heart stopped as she felt Charlie's hand caressing her stomach, she opened her eyes slowly, knowing that he was still asleep, he would never have done it if he was awake. The intense pressure in her chest suddenly got worse as she felt him stroking her stomach. She swallowed the lump in her throat and gently pushed his hand away from her, she sighed and slowly moved on her side, staring at the ceiling was no longer an option, the wall would have to do...

_He'd found her in the middle of her living room on her hands and knees, unable to move, barely able to breathe as pain enveloped her. He thought his heart had stopped as he froze, millions of thoughts running through his mind, it wasn't until he'd heard her cry out his name that he snapped into action. Now, after carrying her to his car and driving like a mad man Elliot watched as Olivia was wheeled into an available hospital room. The pain had subsided on the car but she was as white as a sheet and he knew she was terrified, he was too, he had promised her that everything was going to be okay but he knew something wasn't right...he only prayed Olivia and her unborn baby would be okay._

"_El..." she grabbed his hand as she was wheeled past him, pulling him into the room with her, her eyes wide with fear._

_He'd been trying since he'd found Olivia to call Charlie but his cell was switched off, Fin and Munch had both tried to radio him but he wasn't responding. His only concern was Olivia so he gave up looking for Charlie very quickly and focussed on his partner and her baby. As she tightened her grip on his hand he turned to her._

"_You're gonna be okay," he promised as she forced a small smile, worry written all over her face as she ran her hand along her stomach._

He had promised her that everything would be okay.

He hadn't meant to lie to her, he'd prayed, prayed so hard that everything would be okay. He hadn't and a single night's sleep since then without waking up covered in sweat. It wasn't nightmares that had woken him, not dreams about his inner most fears but memories, memories of the hours he had spend cradling his best friend, wiping the sweat from her forehead and holding her as she sobbed.

No matter what other horrors he had witness in his life, nothing had or ever would come close to causing the overwhelming pain he felt every time he thought about what had happened to his best friend on what should have been the happiest day of her life.

He had promised her that everything would be okay...

_The Doctor pursed her lips as she ran the wand across Olivia's stomach, she hadn't said a word since she'd began the sonogram a few moments ago. Beforehand she had suggested that there's more than likely nothing to worry about, that many first time mothers experience discomfort. Both Olivia and Elliot forced nodding smiles, it wasn't discomfort, it was more, it was worse._

_Olivia closed her eyes, desperately hoping to hear the heartbeat that she had heard just three days before. She didn't know if she had tightened her grip on Elliot's hand or if he had instigated it but she didn't want to let go, she needed him to hold on. She could feel the tears welling, the fear in the pit of her stomach dangerously close to engulfing her. 'Please', she silently begged, 'please be okay.'_

"_Olivia, when did you last feel the baby move?" The Doctors tone gave nothing away, Olivia didn't dare open her eyes, terrified as to what she would see in the face of the older woman._

"_Um," she swallowed the lump in her throat. "This morning..." had it really been so long ago? She opened her eyes slowly, looking directly at Elliot. She could see the worry etched onto his face, he was frightened...her partner was never scared. She slowly dragged her gaze from Elliot to the Doctor, Kate Gregory._

"_Okay," she gave her a soft smile. What did that mean? Was the baby okay? She couldn't read her._

"_And you uh, you were assaulted three days ago?" Kate asked, moving the wand from the left to the right side of her stomach, gazing intently at the screen._

_Olivia nodded, unable to speak as the fear overwhelmed her. She didn't think it was possible to have a tighter grip on Elliot's hand, she was wrong. She knew that something was wrong, she just needed to know how bad it was, to know if her baby would survive._

_Elliot watched as Olivia closed her eyes, he ran his thumb along her hand, unsure of how to make her feel anything other than terrified. Why the hell was the doctor waiting so long, couldn't she see it was it was killing her? They just needed to know, they needed to know if the baby would be okay._

"_Were you struck in the stomach at anytime-"_

"_Doc," Elliot couldn't take it anymore. He felt the lump in the back of his throat as Olivia opened her eyes and took a deep breath._

'_Please be okay, please be okay, please, please...'_

"_Okay, I've been looking for over 5 minutes now," the Doctor placed the ultrasound wand back on the tray. She sat down at the end of the bed and turned to Olivia and Elliot, Olivia had seen the look on Kate's face before, whenever she or Elliot had given bad news to a grieving relative. "There's no heartbeat Olivia, I'm so sorry but your baby has died."_

"_Your baby has died."_

No matter how many times she replayed the words in her mind it never felt real, it hadn't felt real then. Of course it had been real, she wasn't pregnant anymore, she didn't have her baby in her arms, she had...nothing. It was 6 am and despite having nowhere to go and no reason to be awake she couldn't sleep, when she had come home just over 2 weeks ago she had wanted nothing more than to c*rl up in a ball and sleep and for nearly a week that was all she did.

Now? Now she wanted to be up, she wanted to be doing something productive. She still hadn't physically recovered but she hated being stuck in the apartment, with constant reminders of what she no longer had...

Elliot hadn't had single night's sleep since leaving the hospital, how the hell was he supposed to sleep? Knowing how much his friend was suffering? There was no chance. For exactly 27 minutes Elliot had thought that he had lost his youngest child, the trip to the hospital had unbearable, the tug in his stomach almost crippling as he struggled to even fathom the thought of loosing the baby his wife had carried for nearly 9 months. As soon as he got to the hospital and held his beautiful baby boy all the worry drained out of him, he simply stood and stared at his little boy thanking God that he was okay. He'd been lucky.

The thought of those fears becoming reality often kept him awake, he'd sit and watch his son sleep for hours reminding himself that his child was okay, that others weren't so lucky. Olivia wasn't as lucky. Every time he closed his eyes her sobs would echo through his mind and he'd be back in the room as she clung to him, he'd cradled the back of her head and held her as tightly as he could, unable to think straight as grief and sorrow literally overwhelmed him.

Olivia's baby hadn't been lucky, Olivia's baby hadn't survived, the child she had been so desperate for, the baby who would have been the luckiest child in the world to have a mother like Olivia, the baby he had so often thought about as he imagined his partners future. After what seemed like hours she had simply turned onto her side, her hand over her stomach as she stared blankly head, unable to feel anything but the numbness that was slowly overtaking her whole body.

He'd asked a nurse to stay with her as he left the hotel room and informed Cragen, who had been waiting outside, the terrible news. The older man placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, asking if there was anything that Olivia needed, there was nothing, just her baby. Elliot could see the hurt in Cragen's eyes, he was thinking exactly what everyone else would, why her? Upon asking about Charlie, Cragen told him that Munch and Fin were still looking for him, and that as soon as he was found he would be brought to see the woman who had been expecting his baby.

Elliot had stalled outside the door to Olivia's room, his heavy heart almost too much to handle, he couldn't watch her suffer, it was killing him, he could barely hold it together, a mixture of anger and complete loss confusing him as he struggled to think of anything he could do for his best friend.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

By now only one thing remained in the baby's room, the rocking chair. It was the only thing she found comfort in, sitting in the chair rocking slowly forwards and backwards as she cradled the one stuffed animal that had been left behind when Charlie took all the bags. She didn't even know where he had taken them...it didn't matter. She looked down at the small fluffy animal that Elliot had bought for her daughter, and wondered if this would have been the toy that she would have clung to for the first few years of her life, every child seemed to have one toy that they values more than life itself?

She liked the idea of a present from Elliot being so close to her daughters heart, as close as Elliot was to hers...She closed her eyes briefly as the realisation that her daughter would never have a favourite toy hit her. These were the moments she hated the most, when she dared to dream about what life could have been like, should have been like only to hit the ground with a bump when she remembered that the perfect life has slipped away.

She didn't _want _to think about it, she didn't want to talk about it she just wanted it to go away. She wanted to close her eyes and forget, to feel something other than grief that constantly consumed her. Charlie hadn't left her side since she'd come home, constantly asking if she needed anything and she didn't have the energy to tell him that there was only one thing she needed, one thing that he could not give her, her baby. ..

"_Come on Olivia you're doing great!" Kate's voice echoed through the room as Olivia cried out and collapsed back onto the bed, utterly exhausted._

_She gripped Elliot's hand as another wave of sadness spread through her, the pain she was feeling both physically and emotionally was too much to bare. Her labour had been induced 6 hours ago, exactly one hour after Kate had first informed her that it was going to happen. She had openly sobbed, unable to even grasp the idea of giving birth to a baby who would never take its first breath. Kate had promised that she would try to make it as quick as possible and explained that there was no other way. As she lay sweating, labour pains shooting through her stomach the reality of the situation was so hard to grasp, she'd almost forgotten a few times that this wasn't going to be a happy ending. It wasn't until she looked at Elliot, pain etched into his face, that she remembered exactly what she was doing and exactly how much it was going to hurt when the labour was over._

"_You're okay," Elliot whispered, pressing his lips against Olivia's hand, his heart sinking as she shook her head. She wasn't okay, how could she be. "You can do this," he whispered, gently wiping the hair from her forhead._

"_Okay Olivia, you can do this just a few more pushes..." Kate spoke._

"_No..." a single tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head. "Please..." she felt like her heart was about to explode._

"_Liv," Elliot swallowed the lump in her throat, he couldn't break down, he forced a small smile. "You can do this, you know you can do this."_

"_I can't..." she shook her head. "I can't do this, I...El...my baby."_

_His heart broke._

"_I know," he barely whispered. "I know... I'm sorry..." he couldn't fight the tears that filled his eyes. He would've given anything in that moment just to take away the pain that he knew would eventually completely consume her._

_She gripped his hand as another contraction approached. She just wanted it to stop, she wanted her baby to stay where it was, just for a little while longer, she wasn't ready to say good bye, she hadn't even gotten to say hello. She openly sobbed as she closed her eyes and pushed, crying out as she gripped Elliot's hand .He whispered words of encouragement, he simply didn't know what else to do._

"_Okay, okay we're nearly there, come one one big push."_

"_I can't!" she cried out, she didn't want to. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be._

"_Come on," Elliot gently kissed her forehead. "Come on Liv, you can do this...I know you can." He hated having to be the one to encourage her, he'd wanted this, he'd secretly wanted to be with her as she gave birth to her babe, urging her one holding her as she heard her child's first cry..._

"_God!" she screamed as she pushed as hard as she could._

_And then...it was over._

"_Olivia, you did it, you did it." Kate spoke softly._

_The moment Olivia had had dreamt of for so long was here, but there was no relief, no congratulations and no beautiful newborn cry. She rested her head back on the pillow as sadness consumed her, only crying harder as heard._

"_It's a girl," the sadness in the Doctors voice was unmistakable._

_Elliot fought back the tears as he watched Olivia break down, knowing that this moment had been inevitable. He ran his thumb along her hand, unable to move, momentarily frozen as the reality of what had just happened hit him._

"Morning." Charlie placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "What time did you wake up?" he asked.

"A few minutes ago," Olivia lied. She didn't need to worry him.

He travelled to the fridge, opening the door and pulling out the milk. She hated it when he drank from the carton, but she didn't have the energy to tell him, she'd tell him another day. She'd been sat in the rocking chair for nearly three hours, unsure of exactly what she'd been thinking about and unsure of how she had lost track of time. "Do uh, do you want to me to clean out the last bits in the room today?" he asked, unsure of how to broach the subject. She wouldn't talk to him about anything to do with their daughter, he knew he had to give her time, he just wanted the pain to go away, both of their pain.

"No, leave it," she didn't even look at him. She stared down at the bowl of cereal in front of her, nothing had ever looked less appealing. She couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten...she genuinely couldn't.

"I uh, I spoke to Cragen-"

"What?" finally, she looked at him. "Why?"

"I just let him know how you were, and that I wasn't sure when you'd be back-"

"I'm hoping next week-"

"Liv, you can't-" he started, was she serious. He stared at her as she gave him a confused look. "You...you had a baby not even three weeks ago- you can't go back to work-"

"I feel fine, just some desk duty or something."

He couldn't believe his ears, she was still not fully recovered from the assault and birth and she wanted to go back to work? "I think you should leave it a little longer, you haven't even had time to grieve-"

"Charlie, it's fine-"

"It's not fine! We lost our daughter," he watched as she flinched, she did it anytime he mentioned their baby. "We lost her, and you're acting as if nothing's wrong."

"I'm not." She shook her head, unable to say anything else. She was dealing with it, she was dealing with it in her own way.

"I'm...i'm sorry," he didn't mean to snap, but she was like a damn robot, acting as if she'd lost her favourite shirt rather than something much more precious. "I...I need you to talk to me, about Grace."

The name caused her heart to physically ache. Grace. They had decided upon it the hospital...

_Elliot stood between Olivia and the see through incubator that had been placed in the room just a few minutes after Olivia had stopped sobbing. She had yet to turn and face her daughter, lying with her back to both her and Elliot. He'd asked a few times if she wanted to see the tiny baby, she hadn't answered, she hadn't moved at all. When Kate had wrapped the tiny infant in a blanket and asked Olivia if she wanted to hold her daughter she had simply turned away. Kate gave Elliot a worried glance and he silently assured her that he would stay._

_He was exhausted, he could barely stand, not sure if it was the exhaustion or the constant ache in his heart that was causing him such discomfort. He swallowed yet another lump in his throat as he turned to the incubator, gazing at the infant who was wrapped in a pink blanket, she had Olivia's nose...that was the one thing that he noted about the tiny baby, she was beautiful._

"_Liv," he cleared his throat. No reply. He knew that he had to help her, help her to mourn and as much as it hurt him he knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't hold her baby. "Can I hold her?" he asked softly, his voice braking slightly as he struggled to control his emotions. He turned back to the baby, she was so tiny._

_He saw her move slightly and knew she was listening. "I just...I just wanna hold her," he whispered. "Is that okay?" he watched as she turned slowly towards him, her eyes red and tear filled. She looked from him to the incubator, a single tear slipping down her cheek . She couldn't see the baby's face, only the blanket and that sight alone was almost enough to break her heart. She turned to Elliot as he nodded slightly, she mimicked his movements and watched as he took a deep breath slowly edging towards the incubator._

_He gently picked up the tiny little girl, he could barely breathe, the pain in his chest threatening to burst out at anytime. She was so light...He slowly walked towards Olivia's bed, watching as her eyes widened, she was terrified. Her bottom lip quivered as he sat next to her and for the first time she saw her daughters face, she was absolutely beautiful, with dark skin and small button nose._

"_She...she's so beautiful," Elliot spoke as tears filled his eyes. Olivia looked from her baby to her partner as the pain almost consumed her. She nodded as Elliot silently brought the baby closer to her and took her daughter from him, holding her close to his chest._

_She swallowed a sob as she gazed at her beautiful daughter, grateful as she felt Elliot wrapping a supportive arm around her shoulder. "She's..." she took a deep breath. "She's perfect," she sobbed, tears spilling form her eyes. Her little girl was perfect. She pressed her lips against her daughters head, unable to hide her devastation any longer._

_Elliot held his partner, pulling her closer as she openly sobbed in front of him, cradling her daughter in her arms as he cradled her in his. She rested her head against his shoulder as he silently rocked her back and forward, wishing he could take her pain away as his own pain enveloped him..._

_Elliot left Olivia's room slowly, closing the door gently. Kate was examining her, just making sure that everything was okay. They had sat with the baby for nearly two hours, holding her, crying together and speaking about who she looked like and all the things she could've done...it had been an unofficial goodbye to the tiny little girl._

_His heart stopped as he turned as Saw Charlie, completely out of breath having run the whole length of the corridor. He had a large teddy in one hand and flowers in the other._

"_Stabler! I'm here, did I miss it?" he asked, taking deep breaths. "Stabler?"_

"_Uh, Charlie-" how was he supposed to tell him?_

"_Is it a boy or a girl?" he asked, a smile from ear to ear. What the hell was Stabler's problem he looked like a deer in headlights._

"_A girl..." he whispered, barely able to talk as the man in front of him looked so unbelievably proud, just like he had been so many times._

"_A girl...I have a little girl?" he asked, his smile widening. "Are they okay? How's Liv-"_

"_Liv's...she's okay-" he closed his eyes briefly._

"_What's going on Stabler? You look like you've seen a ghost...what...the baby?" his heart skipped a beat. "Is she...is she okay?" the look one Elliot's face said it all._

"_I'm sorry Charlie..." Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat. "She didn't make it-"_

"_No." The teddy hit the floor first, closely followed by the flowers. "No...no way..." tears filled his eyes as he walked towards Elliot. "No way!" he pushed Elliot angrily._

"_Charlie-" Elliot grabbed him, holding him still as the man openly sobbed. Elliot froze as Charlie grasped fistfuls of his shirt, collapsing into him as he mourned the loss of his daughter. Elliot placed both hands on his upper arms as Charlie cried into his chest, unable to hide his grief. "I'm sorry..."_

**This chapter was so emotional to write, I would love to hear what you think. Please take the time to R&R xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you SO much to everyone who is following this story - I cannot believe the response! You guys amaze me with how much you review and comment and it's so great so thank you!**

"_I can't do this, I...El...my baby."_

He couldn't sleep. Again. Every time he'd closed his eyes for longer than a few seconds he was back in the hospital room with Olivia, sometimes during the birth, sometimes after, when he had been alone with Olivia and baby Grace as they struggled to accept the loss of the little girl.

Olivia Benson was without a doubt the strongest woman he knew, watching her sobbing as she mourned the loss of her daughter was too much for him to take. He'd held her hand as she struggled to deliver Grace, knowing that nothing but heartache would follow and it killed him having to encourage her to do something that he knew would end so sadly, but it was all that he could do. He'd simply hoped that his presence would comfort her just the tiniest bit.

Holding Grace had nearly killed him, she had been so tiny, his hands were shaking, his eyes brimming with tears as he cradled the tiny little girl in his arms, desperate for Olivia to even look at her. When she did his heart broke all over again as the reality of what she'd lost hit her, her little girl was gone, the little girl she had carried for nearly 8 months, the little girl who had brought her so much joy in such a short amount of time, the little girl who would never know how much she was loved.

No other loss, or case or emotion ever came close to overwhelming him the way that Grace's death had, he would face ten more Gitano's alone before having to watch his partner suffer like that ever again. He had spoken to Olivia every day since she'd left the hospital and listened to her as she told him that she was okay, asked how he was and tried to talk about anything other than what had happened. He'd thought about visiting, he'd seen her once since she was discharged from the hospital but she was tired and just wanted to sleep, he could understand that so he left her.

They'd spoken on the phone a few times and had sent text messages but he thought it would be best to give her time, he knew that she would need some space and prayed that she would let him know if she needed anything.

When he had left the hospital three weeks ago he went home, drank himself into oblivion and cried like a young child before falling into an uneasy sleep, now as he struggled to think of anything other than the grief that Olivia was feeling...the grief he too felt for the little girl she lost.

He was shaken from his thoughts by the buzzing of his phone, he frowned, who was calling him at 3 am?

"Stabler?" he cleared his throat.

"Stabler...It's me," he heard the gruff voice of Charlie Wallace.

"Is it Liv-" the fear immediately built in the pit of his stomach.

"No, she's fine...I uh...are you awake?" the other man sounded nervous.

Elliot bit back the 'I am now' that was threatening to appear. "I'm awake Charlie, what's up?" he sat up in his bed. He'd had the odd call from Charlie in the last few weeks, just to update him on Olivia, the fact that she wasn't eating, was sleeping all day and up all night... but Charlie had never rung him just to chat.

"I... where are you?"

He wanted to be in his bed, asleep. Granted, if he had been in his bed he wouldn't have been sleeping, he would have been lying awake worrying about his friend and trying to get the sounds of her sobbing out of his head. He looked up as he arrived at the address Charlie had given, a bar. He'd decided to walk as it wasn't too far away from his apartment and thought that perhaps a night cap would help him sleep.

He scanned the bar looking for his partners boyfriend, as he'd walked along the empty streets towards the bar he acknowledged that if Charlie had called him just a few months ago Elliot would have hung up and ignored the drunken mans pleas, but now, after everything he just couldn't. Charlie had sounded so desperate on the phone, Elliot couldn't help but feel even more sorry for him, of course his main concern had been Olivia but Charlie had lost Grace as well and Elliot had no doubt that he was hurting just as much as his partner. He hadn't known how to approach the man who just a few weeks ago he was cursing, so he'd simply spoken to him the few times he had called Olivia's apartment instead of her cell and asked how he was, unlike Olivia he didn't try as hard to put on a brave face, while he'd insisted that he was okay he'd sounded utterly broken and Elliot couldn't even begin to imagine how much he was hurting.

His scan of the bar ended as he saw a lone figure sat on a stool, hunched over the bar.

"Charlie..." he took a deep breath, placing his hand on the other mans shoulder.

Charlie moved slightly, turning his head to face Elliot. "I didn't think you were going to come."

"I said I would." The tension was still apparent, but he was there, he didn't want the man to suffer alone. "How many have you had?"

"You sound like Liv."

Elliot struggled not to react as his heart dropped at the mention of his partner's name, there had been a time when he was the only one to call her Liv...He shook his head, now was not the time.

"Where is she?" Elliot asked, hoping his partner wasn't alone, that she was asleep and not lying awake mourning her child. Why the hell had Charlie left her?

"She's at home, asleep...first night in four weeks she's actually asleep." He let out a long sigh, he'd been so relieved when he'd found her asleep in their bed, he was considering talking to a doctor about her lack of sleep but finally exhaustion had taken its toll. It was when Olivia was asleep and he wasn't worrying about her that his own sorrow became almost unbearable and he turned to the solace of alcohol, somewhere he'd turned too many times when he had lost Lisa. When all the alcohol in the house was gone, he'd quietly left the apartment to find more and two hours later he was still there.

He'd decided to call Stabler when the desire to stay began to pull stronger than the desire to go home, it was so...so sad. He couldn't look at Olivia without seeing the devastation that she was struggling to hide, she wouldn't talk to him, he didn't know what to do. He was surprised that the other man had stayed true to his word.

"Uhh, just a beer please," Elliot told the older barman as he approached him. As the barman walked away Elliot sat in the stool next to Charlie. "How long have you been here?"

"Few hours...I uh, I'm not ready to go back..." he shook his head, swigging another sip of his beer. "I've been trying to leave for an hour, and every time...I just...I can't keep..." he shook his head. "The house is so god damned quiet." Another swig.

"It uh...it's gotta be hard-" Elliot spoke as he was passed his beer.

"Hard...you think it's hard?" Charlie spat, finally meeting Elliot's stare. "I'm, I'm sorry." He wiped his hand across his face. "I just, I...you wanna shot?" he asked, frustrated at his inability to explain his feelings to the man who just a few months ago he couldn't stand.

Elliot knocked back his 4th shooter and winced, it was just beginning to numb the pain in the middle of his chest...just. He turned to Charlie as the other man slammed his glass down on the bar.

"We need to go home soon..."

"Not yet." Charlie held his hand up, silently asking for more drinks. "I can't talk about her," he said suddenly. He turned to Elliot, "My daughter, I can't...I can't mention her in front of Liv she just, she just ignores it, pretends that nothing ever happened." The sorrow in Charlie's voice was unmistakable, the man was heartbroken. "I wanted...to hold her...and cry with her but she won't let me, I can't touch her, I can't talk about Grace...she wants to go back to work, now! Four weeks after our daughter died she wants to go back to work, I don't know what to do..." he shook his head, knocking back the shot that the barman had lined up.

"She closes down...when it's something she can't take, when it's too hard she just...closes down," Elliot told Charlie, feeling nothing but sympathy for the other man. "She needs time to process what's happened, she will, and when she does that's when you hold her-"

"But what do I do now? I need to mourn the loss of my baby...I, I wanna be there for Liv, I do, she's my only concern but I...it's killing me man," tears filled his eyes. "My baby girl..." a single tear slipped down his cheek. "How could we lose her? She...she was so beautiful huh? Looked like her momma?"

Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat as he remembered the tiny infant wrapped in the white blanket.

"She was...she was beautiful," the pain in his chest was almost too much to take, being forced to talk about Grace after so many weeks of trying to forget the beautiful little girl was just shattering, he had no idea how much it crushed Olivia. He understood Charlie's need to mourn and to have Liv mourn with him but unknown to him Olivia and Elliot both chose to try and block it all out, it would never work...Grace happened, she existed and they all lost her, and he needed to face it, he only hoped that Olivia would realise before it was too late...

"_She's so beautiful," Elliot whispered, stroking his index finger along the tiny cheek of Olivia's daughter as they sat on the hospital bed. Olivia closed her eyes, unable to talk as pain threatened to consume her, he daughter was absolutely beautiful and to the un knowing eye the infant was simply sleeping in her mother's arms. The reality was much more painful, she hadn't wanted to hold her, scared that her heart would break there and then, as soon as Elliot placed her daughter in her arms ever barrier was broken and the grief almost killed her._

_She'd watched birthing videos to prepare for the moment and none of them ended in tears of sorrow, how could hers? She slowly opened her eyes as Elliot placed a soft kiss on the back of her head as he held her from behind, her back pressed up against her chest as he gently stroked the infant. Through the birth he had been amazing and with anyone else by her side she wouldn't have been able to get through the pain of the birth._

_Elliot watched as Olivia gently ran her hand along her daughter's tiny forehead, the injustice was killing him, Olivia Benson was born to be a mother._

"_Do you think she looks like me?" she whispered, speaking for the first time since she'd taken her child into her arms. She sounded so small, so vulnerable._

_"She's your double," Elliot told her as he gazed at the infant, rubbing his hand along Olivia's arm, desperate to comfort her in anyway._

"_You...you think?" she sobbed, tears filling her eyes again. She gazed at her daughter, struggling with the knowledge that her baby would never do all the things she had dreamt about, she would never wear the clothes that had been bought for her, she would never know her mommy or daddy. Olivia would never know if her baby was a good sleeper, she'd never get to complain about lack of sleep, she'd never see her daughter's smile first thing in the morning when she entered her bedroom..._

"_Oh yeah, she's stunning, just like her mommy," he fought back the tears as Olivia leant her head against his shoulder._

"_Do you think...do you think she would have been good?" she ran her index finger along her daughters cheek._

"_Good? She would've been the best," as he spoke Olivia sobbed, holding her daughter closer to her chest. "She uh, she would've been the best," Elliot repeated as his first tear fell._

"_El...my baby," she turned into him as she sobbed, Elliot wrapped his arms around her, cradling Grace as well as he fought the urge to break down with her._

Elliot woke with a start.

"Morning."

He frowned as he heard what sounded like his captain's voice, ignoring the banging headache and confusion he lifted his head. Donald Cragen towered above him and what appeared to be a couch, a couch he'd apparently slept on, "You feel like crap?" he asked.

Half an hour later after finally waking up and showering, something which Cragen had insisted on, he walked into the kitchen of the older man.

"I suppose you wanna know what you're doing here?" Cragen asked, placing a mug of coffee in front of Elliot, who simply stared at him. "I got a call at 6 am this morning from a local officer telling me you were about to be arrested." He did not sound impressed at all. "So I got up and went to the hell hole of a bar where you were just about ready to murder a man, apparently you and Wallace had been drinking for hours. I tried to take you home but you fell asleep in my car...after being sick in it..."

"Captain-"

"Wallace went home just before you turned into the incredible hulk, he's fine. I know you're hurting right now, we all are but this is not the way to deal with it. We all love Olivia, and it's...it's awful what's happened to her but you think you ending up in Rikers would help her?" Cragen asked. "You...you were having a nightmare, before you woke up, I didn't want to wake you and I don't want to have to force you to talk to someone-"

"I need to." The admission shocked them both. Elliot took a deep breath and faced his boss. "I...I can't sleep and I...I can't take it...what happened, I can't take it."

"I know-"

"This shouldn't have happened to her, not to Liv and I don't...I don't know how to help her...I don't know how to help myself and I...I can't." He shook his head. He swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing. "Thank you for picking me up, I should...I should go-"

"I'll give you a lift, it's gonna be okay, she's going to be okay...we all will...I hope," Cragen placed a gentle hand on Elliot's shoulder.

"You know if Cragen catches you here he'll get an officer to escort you home."

Olivia took a deep breath as she heard her partner's voice. "That's why I can here at 1 am when he'd in bed," she turned back to her desk. The 16 had been so quiet when she'd arrived just a few hours ago, she just wanted to feel a tiny piece of normality so of course, sneaking into her place of work at a ridiculous hour was the way to go. "How did you know I was here?"

"Charlie."

"You two are buddies now huh? Good." She continued looking through the file in front of her.

"Is that-"

"No, it's uh...it's the Thompson case, just thought I'd see where you're going with it." She hadn't been able to touch her own file, she had tried but her shaking hand refused to let her read it.

"Liv-"

"I know..." she couldn't look at him, she couldn't face him. She knew he was worried but every time she thought of him, every time he called she was taken back to the room where she lost her baby and she just...she just couldn't.

"What are you doing here?"

"I need to get back-"

"It's been four weeks, you're allowed to take a little longer, take some time-"

"I've got no reason to take time Elliot-"

"You need to recover," he couldn't believe that she was even sat in front of him, she should still be in bed.

"I'm physically able Elliot-"

"The doctor tell you that?" He sat across from her at his desk. He was waiting for him to tell him exactly where to him instead she simply sighed.

"I don't have time for this-" she closed the file in front of her and was about to get up.

"Liv, you need to take it easy-"

"No, I need to get out of the apartment, I'm going crazy in there El." She finally turned to him. I can't stay cooped up in there it's just...lt's...I can't."

"Talk to me," he stood up as she did and walked towards her, putting a hand on her arm. "Talk to me."

"I...I can't." Why did he do this to her? Why did she fall apart the second he touched her, why was it so hard to pretend to be okay in front of him? She couldn't do this, she wouldn't.

"Hey, it's...it's okay to be scared, to be scared that if you open up just the smallest bit you'll never be okay again."

"Stop it." She tired to pull away from him but something held her in place she wasn't sure if it him or her.

She'd felt numb the first few days of leaving the hospital, she hadn't wanted to talk to anyone, to see anyone she just wanted to...lie and to sleep forever. She couldn't even begin to think about Grace, about everything she'd lost because she'd never get through the pain. She'd encouraged so many victims to face the fear, to let go, to accept what's happened...she was a hypocrite.

"You can't just pretend this didn't happen," he told her softly, running his free hand through her hair, wishing he could make all of her pain disappear. "You...you lost your daughter."

She couldn't hide the sob that escaped as he spoke. Her heavy heart sinking even further as she thought about her daughter and the precious moments she had shared with her.

"You can't do this to yourself Liv, don't do this-"

"I can't..." she shook her head and closed her eyes as she felt the surge of grief threatening to overtake her. She knew the moment she allowed it to take over she would be lost and there would be no escape from the constant pain, the pain that was now a dull ache in her heart would consume her and she just wasn't ready, she wasn't strong enough yet, she couldn't face the pain of losing her baby all over again... "El..." she grasped the hand that was now cupping the back of her neck. "Please..." she whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I know it hurts," he whispered, using his free hand to pull her closer until her chin was resting on his shoulder. She fought it, she fought hard but she knew sooner or later the pain would consume her.

He closed his eyes as she felt her shake against him, he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed, finally allowing herself to grieve for the baby she would always love but never know.

He'd sat with Olivia for two hours as she clung to him, sobbing and eventually sitting in silence on the floor against her desk with her head on his shoulder. The next day Charlie had shaken his hand and thanked him for whatever he'd done, apparently he and Olivia had talked and cried together and as much as he was happy that she was going through the grieving process it was hard not to be the one going through it with her. Now, 2 months later she was back at work and they were back to being the team they always had been, he'd kept a close eye on her, he wanted to be sure she wasn't struggling at anytime.

"You ready?" her soft voice shook Elliot from his thoughts.

"I was born ready," he raised his eye brows.

"Really? Born ready?" she asked, struggling to hide a smile. God, he'd missed her smile and while he knew that she'd always have her bad days he finally felt like he was getting his partner back. "Where do you get this stuff?" she asked as they walked towards the exit.

His partner was back.

Alone, Charlie sat at home rummaging desperately through files. He gulped the whiskey in the cup next to him, scanning the room for anymore alcohol angrily flinging the empty bottle at the wall, closing his eyes as it smashed and fell to the floor in pieces. He was going to find the son of a bitch who had killed his children, he didn't care what he had to do...

**Please R & R xxx**


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